The World Loses A Loner… A Rebel: Paul Reubens Passes Away At 70

Sometimes even with the souls that we love, it doesn’t really hit us to what extent until they’re gone. An announcement just came through that actor/comedian/artist, Paul Reubens passed away last night. I follow the Pee-Wee Herman Instagram account, so I saw it immediately, but the news is fresh and hasn’t seemed to spread much beyond his social media at this point. I expect my feed to be overwhelmed wth images and tributes throughout the next few days. Through his character of Pee-Wee, Reubens was Mister Rogers for a new generation, taking that message that we all have value even if we’re a little weird or different and expanding on it to let us know that very weirdness and our differences give us power.

I’m sufficiently shook right now. I’m frozen. I had absolutely no idea that he was sick, but, apparently, nobody else did either. Here is the message that accompanied the photo above on the official Pee-Wee and Facebook pages this morning.

“Last night we said farewell to Paul Reubens, an iconic American actor, comedian, writer and producer whose beloved character Pee-wee Herman delighted generations of children and adults with his positivity, whimsy and belief in the importance of kindness. Paul bravely and privately fought cancer for years with his trademark tenacity and wit. A gifted and prolific talent, he will forever live in the comedy pantheon and in our hearts as a treasured friend and man of remarkable character and generosity of spirit.“

The following messages were also included in the post. The first was a farewell to fans followed by a request for those looking to make an “expression of sympathy.”

I am sad.

I’m trying to type something but, with every character I push, it feels like a reservoir is flowing up from my chest and welling up behind my eyes. When I stop, it sort of settles at the brim.

I am typing slow, because… I am trying not to cry, I guess. I’m in a soft focus and don’t realize what I’m feeling until I start to say something or acknowledge it. Wile E. Coyote walking off a cliff to stand in the sky — don’t look down and you can suspend yourself for a moment longer. I must be internally weeping. This must be a deep one, because my intellectual brain doesn’t really get it, but my spirit seems to know what’s happened.

I am definitely sad. That’s what I’m putting together. At the same time, all I can think about is how this man knew what he was going through, and not only did he not want to put it on any of us, he went out of his way to post beautiful & encouraging content; things to make us happy and believe in something — anything — when that can be an incredibly difficult task right now.

I don’t know how this can feel so personal. We didn’t know him, but he didn’t know us either and he still did what he did up until the very end, for us; even now with the message he left. He tried offering some semblance of hope and understanding. So, even if it was nothing but a guess on his part & he wasn’t any more positive about what he was doing than any of us, he was right in the end. He knew exactly what we need(ed), as people, if not individuals.

What he wanted was for us to be happy. We’re all going to have to forgive ourselves if it’s hard to feel that right now. We will again.

#IKnowYoureGoneButWhatAmI