WALMART Offers Child Halloween Costumes of Birth Defects & Plastic Surgery

I was just sent a Google instant message from our writer M. Hersted asking, “can you explain this costume to me? i have no idea what it is representing”  Along with his inquiry was a link to Walmart.com, which included the screen shot above.

The obvious first move in my investigation was to enlarge the product image and see what I could deduce from it.

Since I’m fairly positive that it’s not supposed to be a DEVO Booji Boy costume, I was at a loss.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed the dotted lines and arrows on the chest.  Along with the little medical booties, I made the conclusion that the segmented blue lines were supposed to represent pre-surgical markings and that the costume was supposed to simulate the body of a plastic surgery patient.  Still…. something wasn’t adding up.

The first sign that something’s off with my summation, is the title “Parasitic Twin Child Costume“.  That’s right, this is labeled as a costume for a child, but the person in the image appears to be an adult.  Plus, this outfit clearly doesn’t appear to coincide with the imagery of a parasitic twin.

For those unfamiliar with what a parasitic twin is, here is a definition according to wikipedia:

A parasitic twin (also known as an asymmetrical or unequal conjoined twin) is the result of the processes that produce vanishing twins and conjoined twins, and may represent a continuum between the two. Parasitic twins occur when a twin embryo begins developing in utero, but the pair does not fully separate, and one embryo maintains dominant development at the expense of the other. Unlike conjoined twins, one ceases development during gestation and is vestigial to a mostly fully-formed, otherwise healthy individual twin. The undeveloped twin is defined as parasitic, rather than conjoined, because it is incompletely formed or wholly dependent on the body functions of the complete fetus.

In short, it’s basically a birth defect caused when someone is born with a conjoined twin that isn’t fully developed attached to them.

Obviously, the idea of creating a costume based around the concept of plastic surgery and then marketing it to a minor, is distasteful.  That’s why I decided to search through the adult costumes to see if the photo was a mis-post of another product image.  I eventually found the actual plastic surgery costume with the same product photo and determined that it was, in fact, a complete accident.  That solved one question, but I still fail to see how the intended child costume is really any more appropriate.

Here is a copy of the product description of the “Parasitic Twin Child Costume”

Product Information Top of Page

What’s that on my shoulder! Is it talking back at me! No it’ my Parasitic Twin. Scare everyone with this mutilated twin nightmare!

• Includes: Smock with Sculpted Parasite, Pants
• Not Included: Shoes
• Available in Child Boy Sizes

No, I am not making this shit up.  This is 100% real!  I had to find this costume and see what the real deal was, so I went Barnaby Jones-style and got my investigative Google on.  I quickly found a site called BuyCostumes.com,which contained what, I can only assume, is the intended product photo for the Parasitic Twin Child Costume.

If you hadn’t noticed, the grimy, ripped up smock that this kid is sporting has “Sanitarium” generically stamped across it.  He is shoeless, his eyes look cracked out, and he appears to have been hospitalized for some sort of general derangement.  These are pretty fucked up connections to make to unfortunate medical conditions.  In fact, the adult version of the Parasitic Twin costume, features a maniacal photo of a model brandishing a blade and stabbing it towards the camera.

Hey WALMART!  Pick a side!  Either stop complaining about rap lyrics or cease your distribution of firearms and emotionally scarring childrens costumes.

Actually, I say “Fuck it!”  I think that you guys might as well just start stocking fully-automatic assault rifles and dyslexic, hearing impaired, one-legged Somalian kids with Down’s Syndrome costumes now.  Sure, you have no credibility, but that doesn’t seem to have any influence over the soccer moms’ shopping habits.  Top sellers are top sellers, goddamit!