Neckties are, arguably, one of the most pointless and unnecessary garments ever created.  Thin strips of fabric tucked under a collar, don’t exactly provide a shield from the elements and, if anything, they create a potential hazard with their risk of strangulation.  Think about all of the countless folks out there suffering from Pnigerophobia (fear of choking), who are discriminated against and turned away from fine dining establishments, simply due to their inability to adhere to rigid dress codes.  You won’t catch Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad experimenting with any sort of neck-wear, because he’s aware of the tremendous likelihood of someone creeping up and trying to choke a mother fucker out.  Ties are played out as Father’s Day gifts and are usually given in some novelty form that, no matter how entertaining, Pops couldn’t take to the “office” anyway.  The aesthetic value placed on the necktie over the years is ridiculous and, beyond that visual stimulus, they are pretty much worthless.  At least scarves have insulating properties.  The production of the silk tie adds the element of touch into the equation, but fondling and adjusting your tie consistently gives off too much a sexual deviant vibe.  With so many risks, it would be nice if the classic necktie could be less one-dimensional and updated for our space-age lifestyles.

What if there was a product out there that could retain that striking appeal, which would allow you to influence others, and combines it with the interactivity of a light-up magnetic backgammon tie?  What if you could keep riding that debonair steez with the added benefit of stimulating your auditory canal?  Now what if I told you that this technology actually exists?!  What would you be willing to pay to get your hands on this modern day miracle?  4-hundred-thousand dollars?  A crate of Klondike bars?  The remaining balance on your EBT card?  Drown a neighbor’s kid in a plastic pool?  Take a hot rail of bathtub crank, blow the smoke in a raccoon’s face, and try to force-service it manually?  Burn down a Hollywood video?  Tase a cop?  Break into a Rite Aid pharmacy in a luchador mask and hoop a stolen prescription of someone’s Estrogen?  Sit through a Kenny Chesney concert… sober?  Well, these miracle future ties do exist and are currently available for a bargain price (less than 100 American dollars!) Read the rest of this entry →