Troubador, Will Oldham (aka: Bonnie “Prince” Billy) has performed and released albums under various different pseudonyms including, Palace and Palace Music. His music is beautiful and honest; so honest that, at times, some may even consider it vulgur. His fans vary as much as his monikers, which may be explained through his range of collaborations. Oldham has released musical projects with Tortoise and David Berman (Silver Jews) and has even featured vocals from film director Harmony Korine on his albums.

THE PRIZE
I am giving away 2 free tickets to the following performance
Thursday, March 26
The Moore Theatre
Seattle

TO ENTER:
The contest will focus around the title of Bonnie Prince Billy‘s latest release “BEWARE” and entrants will need to submit their best idea for a warning label or clever piece of life advice.

The contest will close on midnight Sun. March 22nd.
All entries will need to be posted on contest page.
Entries will be judged on creativity.

To Enter CLICK HERE

I was surprised to get a call from my friend John telling me that he was having trouble getting tickets, earlier that day.  I saw Kool Keith at the exact same location (Neumos) about 5 years ago and I didn’t have any issue buying tickets at the door.  Unless everybody went out and bought the “Grandma’s Boy” soundtrack, I’m at a loss as to why Keith‘s popularity would have skyrocketed since then.  I did hear that they stepped up the advertising for this show, which would make sense, but the major consensus seemed to be that people just really wanted to see “Kool” Keith Thornton “battle himself on stage“.

Keith‘s latest release, Dr. Dooom 2, is a sequel to 1999′s First Come First Served; also released under the Dr. Dooom Moniker.  Rocking a phony strap-on beard and pushing the “Funky Redneck” pseudonym, DJ/Producer Kutmasta Kurt is back to collaborate with his old friend for this follow up, as well.  Much like the first Dr. Dooom effort, part 2 has a strong emphasis on killing off Dr. Octagon, arguably Thornton‘s most “successful” persona.  The first video released for the album is for a song called “R.I.P. Dr. Octagon” and, like the subsequent video for “Take That Ride“, it has a really nice, grimy 1970s horror film look to it and the track is solid.  The tour itself has been promoted as “Dr. Dooom VS Dr. Octagon“, which further helped to fuel the idea that Thornton‘s personas would, somehow, be going head to head in a lyrical battle in front of the crowd that night.

Here’s the part in the article where I want to jump forward but, instead, I pull tough on the breaks to make a concerted effort to avoid assumptions and to fill in the blanks for anyone who may be less familiar with the history of KK and his work.  I would be surprised to find out that anyone even remotely interested in reading this has never heard of Dr. Octagon, but I will address its connection to this current project.  In 1996, Dr. Octagonecolegyst dropped hard like Timothy Leary.  The album blew up like the Challenger and the careers of Dan the Automator (Gorillaz, Handome Boy Modeling School, Deltron 3030) and DJ Q-Bert (Invisibl Skratch Piklz) were launched like Karl Malone in a pair ‘91 La Gear Catapults.  Keith and “Kutmasta” Kurt Matlin (also featured on Octagonecololyst) continued to work together and, by 2000 they had put out classics like Sex Styles, Black Elvis/Lost in Space, and, of course, the original Dr. Dooom project.  Many who were insistent on hearing another Dr. Octagon release viewed Thornton‘s new directions as a rejection of mainstream status and an attempt to return to a more “underground” position.  Keith, on the other hand, didn’t want to pigeon-hole himself himself into one identity or style.  He wants to be able to adapt and continue to work on projects and move into directions that he considers to be more “natural”.  First Come, First Served was an attempt to kill off Octagon and was created in response to everyone that simply could not let it go and move on.  The Dr. Octagon character was resurrected two more times with Dr. Octagon Part 2 (2004)  and The Return of Dr. Octagon (2006).  The first was released bootleg-style without permission from Keith and after multiple contractual issues.  More contract discrepencies came into effect and the disjointed The Return of Dr. Octagon was also released without much involvement from the rap innovator.  These albums didn’t even involve Dan the Automator, Kurt, or any of the other creative forces behind the original.  10 years after Octagon first gained popularity, the reputation of the alias had diminished through these poor follow up releases.  Now it’s 10 years from the Dr. Dooom release that was originally intended to kill off the Octagon phase once and for all.  So… the next logical step is to release a new Dr. Dooom album to officially end his other alias for good.  Everyone caught up?  Did that all make sense?  Fuck it, let’s move on to the show review.

The Show


They’re patting people down for this concert, so we get felt up by a guy that takes his job seriously and head to the adjacent Moe Bar.  I go out for a smoke, after a couple of drinks and some conversation with a guy who tells me how envious he is that we have tickets, even though he only really just wanted to see the opening act.  A lanky bespectacled guy with a handlebar starter moustache, who’s dressed in a suit like a Jack the Ripper suspect, is just drunk enough to tell me that he had plans to mock my cardigan but he just couldn’t pull it together.  He inquires about my notebook instead and I tell him that I’m writing about a show that I was asked not to review.  “There’s a show tonight, huh?  Who’s playing?” he asks.  I tell him it’s Kool Keith and he excitedly responds with, “Dr. Octagon!“  I get a text that my friend John is out front without tickets and, before we leave, the man grabs my shoulders and tells me that I need to go write this review and give it my all because, apparently, “the republic is in (my) hands!“  He cackles and we walk off.

John‘s telling his story about fighting a crackhead in an alley when I hear someone yell, “Who needs a ticket?!“  He’s about to sell it to a group of people, but I realize that I know him and call him away from them and over to us.  Scott comes over, hooks John up, and let’s us know that Big Steve is inside and that he’s already drunk.  Big Steve is an old school homie who is larger than humanly necessary and notorious for getting drunk and rowdy.  In recent years, he’s stepped up the danger factor by purchasing a Glock 9 and a monster truck.  He was even taken to court once for breaking Les Claypool‘s electric bass stand, mid-concert.  He was tackled into it by 5 security guards while pop-locking on stage.  Eventually we’re all inside drinking giant $8 Red Stripes out of what looks like giant Oly Stubbies (R.I.P.)  By the time the opening acts hits the stage, I’m already pretty soused.

The first group was called Murder Dice and, although I’d like to be able to support local “talent”, I was not a fan.  The vocalist was a tall black man in a jacket with Cap’n Crunch tassels on the shoulders.  The short caucasian female backing singer also sported non-erotic tassels on her uniform.  There was a guitarist with a tie tucked in through the buttons of his shirt, who looked like he spends his time playing beer pong with Zima Gold and navigating night elves through World of Warcraft in a shitty frat house.  I was confused as to why this band was even booked for this show.  I’m not willing to call this rap, or even hip-hop for that matter.  Their set much closer to a synth-pop group with their large 7-piece band, consisting of short white indie rock/scenester girls and multiple keyboards.  It was like Luscious Jackson meets TV on the Radio.  You know who I blame for this?  I blame Gym Class Heroes.  It’s too bad because the Gym Class bass player’s brother was a good friend of mine, who used to let me listen to their early tapes and bootlegs, which were actually really good.

The next group, which I’m assuming was The Let Go, was much more fitting for the bill.  They were a capable rap crew but, in my opinion, they didn’t pull anything off too memorable, revolutionary, or that could really stand above anything else that already exists in the genre known as “underground” or “back pack” rap.  They tried to swing one gimmick by tossing some beach-balls out in the crowd but, in a small enclosed venue with hanging disco balls and lighting fixtures, it wasn’t the greatest of ideas.  All I could think about was how much shit Keith talked about his opening acts the last time I saw him at Neumos.

Thornton also left the crowd watching an empty stage for about an hour, before showing up last time.  This time Kurt came out in his beard and filled in the gap with a long DJ set which includes the Car Wash Soundtrack.  We took a few more trips to the bar.  Everyone’s getting anxious when rapper, Denis Deft, takes the stage to finally introduce the man of the hour.  Thornton‘s wearing a flannel but he isn’t sporting the Johnny Quest wig from his recent videos.  Instead he’s wearing sunglasses and has a sequined scarf wrapped around his head, which he leaves on throughout the entire performance.  He also fails to throw out ziplocked bags of fried chicken this time around, but immediately kicks into the old school jams from way back.  He starts his set strong with the last thing I expected, Utramagnetic MCs tracks from Critical Beatdown like “Ego Trippin” and “Ease Back“.  Everyone is psyched and then some guy squeezes by to stand in front of Big Steve.  Steve shoulder checks the guy from behind, causing him to spill his beer onto himself.  Steve is easily a foot taller than the guy and can see fine, but he’s drunk and thinks that it’s funny.  He continues to check the guy every few seconds, slowly emptying his own drink on him, splash by splash.  I move around the other side and up front to see better.

Keith was was really on point that night and Denis Deft proved to have some solid lyrical prowess himself, beyond just some typical backing hype man.  Between tracks there was a lot of banter from the MC as usual.  “I’m not a real rapper” he claimed.  “I write my own lyrics.“  He busted out Octagonecologyst classics, “Blue Flowers” and “Girl Let Me Touch You” and then turned his attention to Dr. Dooom.  He rapped “R.I.P Dr. Octagon” and recited lyrics like “No Whack Remixes and Duplicated copies (rest in peace) Octagon is Deceased“.  People often refer to Keith‘s verses as being random and nonsensical, but this track is probably the most lyrically straight forward that I’ve heard in a long time.  There’s a point where he says, “Toni Isobel and Dan wanted to adopt him from the hospital“.  Sometimes, people don’t get what Keith is saying because who can come so direct with no apologies.  I know who Toni Isobel is, in fact, I have her cell phone number.  I was talking to her about a year and a half ago when we were trying to work out timing for an interview with Dan The Automator.  Keith will attack you directly through his verses and, although I haven’t read any comments where he officially addresses any falling out with Dan “The Automator” Nakamura, he’s clearly pissed off about the attempts that he feels people have made to capitalize off of and tarnish his name.  He segued this track into a freestyle that involved lyrics about having to go and get his tapes back from Nakamura because he had fucked them up.

The next track, “How Sexy“, was another track off of Dr. Dooom 2 and featured a full verse from Denis Deft.  Right when it began to look like Keith did have a plan to turn the focus of the performance towards his Octagon and Dooom aliases, he switched it up again.  He jumps  from “Freaks” (Lost Masters), to tracks like “Spankmaster [Take off your clothes]” (Spankmaster), and then over to Black Elvis cuts like “Livin Astro“.

Keith takes a break to address some issues of great importance to him; namely, nudity and pornography.  He pulls out a stack of magazines which he claims are from his “personal collection” and asks if anyone is into “cartoon porn”.  Then he talks about how “Girls are texting a lot” these days and demands that they “Stop texting“.  He then warns the audience that women masturbate when they’re texting you.  He does his track “G-Spot” and then goes back to his porn stash.  He’s calling out titles like “Purely 18” while he tosses magazines into the audience.  After that comes the title track from Sex Styles and then more conversation about porn.  “I buy about 75,000 porn magazines a week.  Do I have a problem or do I not have a problem?“  He then gets the crowd to chant “Keep buying ‘em!” over and over again.  He tells the women in the crowd that when their men claim that they are going to an “electronic convention” it is really just code for the AVN adult entertainment expo.  After apologizing for exposing the secret, the rapper moves on to his off the cuff theories about the future of sex and robots.  His speculations include the idea that consumers will be able to purchase a product called “Ass in a box“.

He gets back on track and let’s the crowd know that the following music would be for everyone who has all of the albums.  He spit track after track from the various albums in his catalog.  “Drugs” (Spankmaster), “Black Elvis“, “White Label Test Press” (Matthew: Bonus Tracks), “Get Off My Elevator” (Sex Style/Office Space Soundtrack), “Apt. 223” (First Come First Served), “Earth People” and “Halfsharkalligatorhalfman” (Dr. Octogonecologyst), etc.  The songs were delivered quickly, in segments, back to back like a medley, and transitioned through quick table scratches.  After the extended mix, Keith announces that the show was being taped and would appear on DVD.  He also mentions that he finally just joined myspace by solemnly stating, “Tom is my only friend“.  He gets derailed by more rants about the “Octomom” and lingerie before Kutmasta Kurt steps in and gets him back on track, “We have 1 or 2 minutes left“.  They do one more song, “I Don’t Believe You” (Matthew), and, as the crowd pours out, Keith remains on stage to sell merchandise and sign ripped out pages of facials and anal penetration.

Sites like Pitchfork have questioned Thornton‘s continued relevance while defending the mainstream rappers that he attacks, but fuck them; they trashed WEEN‘s country album too.  I thought the show was great and I’m sure the majority of those in attendance felt the same way.  Keith didn’t exactly “battle himself” and he doesn’t even seem to have any plans to cease performing tracks from Dr. Octogonecologyst any time soon, either.  So you may be wondering, “What was the point?” and, “Did he really even make one?“  My only answer to that is, if you expect anything specific from Kool Keith, you’re most likely going to be surprised, but not necessarily disappointed.  The constant advancement, modification, and awareness of your craft should be a right as well as a responsibility for any artist.  I think that may have been the point all along and, if so, I definitely believe that it was made.

-Dead C

Heath Ledger killed the Joker (ha-ha). Everyone is concerned with originality and ownership. But c’mon folks, “Why so serious?”. If the ending results of an idea are more crisp and refreshed under new and loving inspiration, then I welcome them. Is this the case for The Gene Ween Band?  What?

“The Gene Ween Band is a side project of Aaron Freeman of Ween” says their official MySpace.

Aaron “Gene Ween” Freeman, Dave Dreiwitz, Scott Metzger, and Joe Russo is the official band roster.   A dream team of some of indie/jam rock’s finest are the meat in this gumbo, branded with the Boognish seal of “WEEN”.  Does this overshadow the “Gene” & “Band” aspects?  Many will expect the universe.  Many will naysay.

Like an unstoppable outbreak of Tinea cruris flares, this line-up is being shrugged off by many Weenies as “another cover band” and celebrated everywhere else music matters.  Their brief tour in December around local Northeast spots produced a few brown bootlegs, providing insight to their sound.  I wanted more!  Using the web to find out the scoop, and  thanks to the cyber-savvy section of WEEN’s fan base, I was able to gather this much about reactions to the new project:

“Gene Ween Band featuring Dean Ween. Dave Dreiwitz, Scott Metzger, & Joe Russo. Is Dean Ween playing too?”

This is a typical example of one of the many obnoxious statements found in the Weenforum, the home to as many disgusting images and awesomely ridiculous tour support as the 1980 film Roadie.  Weenforum is a chaotic cesspool of rabid, mainly Eastcoast, Ween fans.  They speak of the “brothers” in a loving fatherly manner and on a first name basis like most lot kids.   There are posters  from all over the world.  I haven’t posted on there myself in over 6 years because… I dunno, Westcoast kids come across as beastly and blunt(ed).  I come from a 1980s generation of Westcoast-wannbe-Deadheads who were too young to ever actually see Jerry.  For you kids who actually grew up on a lot: sorry Charlie.  We had to settle for Warren Haynes & “The Dead”, and you know what?  He sounds great. Better than most of the many poor quality, garbled Dead bootleg tapes on Jerry’s best nights.  Purists who refuse to listen to anything after Pigpen died are missing out, is all I’m saying.  I do not claim to be the world’s dirtiest Gov’t Mule fan either but, from my experience, when the artist who fronts the band is a “side player”, expect good things.

Many people think Phish plays the better version of “Roses are Free” (haha).  I think WEEN plays “Enter Sandman” better than Metallica, and it’s all relative to the listener and how the band performs the song.  The musicians  who are performing own the music at that moment while they are playing it, so just listen!

Aaron Freeman has mixed and mashed musicians to come to the current WEEN team we have today. I know it doesn’t just happen and he’s no executor, but bands form and reform through life’s bullshit, tragedy, chance, and from willing musicians who actually mesh. Listeners think WEEN is currently dead, or on hiatus. I don’t think in such absolutes (AND I saw them last July), for bands are just bands and can be reformed or redirected, and there is obviously no “WEEN” without both “brothers” in attendance.  Meanwhile, Freeman‘s performances are as intense as ever.

Can we get a motherfucking moment of silence for this small chronic break?

Dave Dreiwitz, of Instant Death and WEEN fame, is on bass?  ‘Nuff said.  He’s really the 3^rd WEEN brother at this point.  Dave also performs with Metzger (guitar) and Russo (drums) in the rock quartet Bustle in Your Hedgerow.  The group, which covers Zeppelin tunes and includes Russo‘s long time partner, Marco Benevento (The Duo), played shows all January, AFTER being featured at Jamcruise 7.  They’re vets.  Metzger and Russo have another band called American Babies with a heavy focus on Country and Folk Rock.  All of these musicians are, practically, playing together nonstop, in one form or another. They can’t stop.  They won’t stop.  They don’t even know how to stop.  In between The Gene Ween Band show dates, guitar hero Scott Metzger is set to play with The Rosy Nolan Band, and Serena Jean (with Joe Russo on drums?).

The Gene Ween Band has been much anticipated and delayed, but it appears that a bonafide tour is on our hands, starting with the rescheduled show at the Williamsburg Music Hall in BK on February 7th, and ending at Pearl Street in Northampton, MA on April 16^th.  With 14 scheduled shows ahead, including brief breaks in between (I’m sure they will be playing in one band or another during these “breaks”) can these boss players show up to the standards their “Beavis and Butthead” fans have created for them?

February 7th, Williamburg, Brooklyn

Possibly the “whitest” part of Brooklyn, there is even a “Whitest Kids U’ Know” mural.  I park my car by the Clockwork-Orangesque-European-Style 10-Speed-Bicycle gang and walk by a dozen pseudo Urban Outfitters & American Apparel stores toward the Williamsburg Music Hall. It’s a shitty little venue, although it’s perfect for the neighborhood & the band. Brown.  Obama Mural? Check.  Hairy, gargantuan college kids in North Face jackets? Check.  Gene Ween and his family parked out front in a SUV?  Check.  Nitrous Mafia parked directly behind them? OK, This is the place.  After haggling with the hairy ginger behind the box-office window 3 times to let me in with my prearranged spot on the guestlist, he became really irritating and would not succumb to my Jedi mind tricks.  I finally bought a ticket after I saw some lady have the same exact problem.

I walked the gauntlet of beards and stretched lobes and, after having come out the other side well sanded, I needed a drink from the bar, which is the saving grace of that awful sweatbox.  The opening act, Stumblebum Brass Band, had started and were pretty good.  Enough already though, the plan was The Gene Ween Band to start at 9 PM, but the window at the box office said “GEEN WEEN BAND 10 PM” in green hi-liter. At 10:15 the band emerges to a glorious uproar from the audience.  The enormous frat boys from Old School were mega-hyphy off all the Red Bull Vodkas they’d been spilling on the stage.  They were frothing at the mouth at this point and frightening the 15% of the crowd that was female with exposed chest hair and glazed wolfish stares.  These guys were everywhere, dominating the front of the crowd and being tall myself and up at the front of the floor made me guilty by association.  I had one toothless tattooed skeez ask me to “slide over 12 inches” so she could see.  I didn’t take that golden set up to humiliate her with verbal perverted rhetorical situations where I indeed took her advice, and instead opted for a more passive “I was here first”.

The crowd was drunk, loud, and ready.  As the players took their instruments, Aaron approached the microphone and said with a smile “I hope we don’t suck.”

They opened up with “The Stallion Part 4” and it was like a warm hug hello.
“I Fell In Love Today” followed and really set the Gener vibe.
“Baby Don’t Be Afraid“, “It Freaks Me Out” and “Kansas City Star” were all a 1-2-3 blur.

After the chanting and taunting of the Ween-head with glow stick glasses, they continued with
“Mr. Sandman”
“Blue Balloon” – Gene Ween busted out the keyboard for a bonus trip.

At this point the “Frank the Tank” grabbed Dave’s sweat rag, which he had been denied earlier and ran away.  There was my in with my partner in crime Rosy J, who was sandwiched in front of the stage.  Luckily bowls, bongs, and blunts kept the crowd happy.  No stampede here.

“It’s Not Cool” – punk rock!
“Kite Flying Man” – Gene decided to smoke a cigarette, sweet.  That’s our license to smoke inside.
“Ooh Vah Lah” – Metzger shined on the solo.
“Thanks And Praises” -  the trumpet player from Stumblebum came out and played with the band, blowing the shit out of that horn.  The freaks around me were sweating LSD onto me so the rest was a maddening blur, but I had fun.
“Gener’s Gone” – is a kind of depressing tune but, it is a perfect set closer and has a sweet guitar solo.

Encore:

At this point, the encore barely seemed like one,  but they rocked it out to:

“DC”
“Let’s Get Divorced” – an awesome ode to his ex.  Dave played a big ass Tuba and Gene stuffed a $5 bill into the horn. Sweet!
“Mountains And Buffalo”
and
“Chancy Boys”
before finishing the night in style with “Greg The Bunny“.

Nooooooo!  It ended abruptly. Everyone in the crowd was chanting without realizing the last set was the encore.
Throughout the night, Gene spent a lot of time re-tuning his guitar in, what I’m assuming, was an attempt to not “suck”. I don’t care if the sound is better.  The side players didn’t out step their instruments and everyone sang backup.  All in all, The Gene Ween Band is very “garage”.  The best part of the night was the music, while the worst part was the spew of hairy, smelly, macho frat boys that tried to monopolize the front row. Luckily Rosy J and I, along with a couple others in our mafia crew, held it down and pushed them farther and farther into the crowds.

The Gene Ween Band might think it’s a side project but, in reality, it is its own entity.  Performing what we love and rocking it all in between. You can tell they are friends who work together well.

I had been requesting Instant Death songs as usual but, when that became infectious, I stopped so as to let other jackasses make jackasses of themselves.  I ran into the toothless skeez and her boyfriend at the coat check line; they were in front this time.  We made it outside and I proceeded to thizz-dance on top of cars, while apes parallel-parking Mercedez Benz’s smashed Toyota bumpers. Wu-Tang Forever (Disc 1) and White-Castle cheeseburger sliders were on the program for the way home. I had an awesome time and will definitely see GWB on their other Northeast shows; anything within 5 hours is the rule.

-A. Misallati

The interview below was conducted by one of our newest writers, Dr. Radical, back in November during Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, TX.  We had hopes of posting it earlier, however, Dr. Radical was struck by a vehicle which held the transcription time back a bit.  He is fully recovered and we are pleased to provide his first work for the site to you now.  We feel that he did a tremendous job.  He didn’t come away with any current photos of the group so I contacted The DM vocalist Rodney Anonymous to see if he had any available.  He didn’t seem to know where they were located and responded by saying the following in an email:

“Can’t you just use a picture of the Jonas Brothers…or porn?“

Hence, the header photo.  All other images featured are courtesy of  photographer Nina Sabatino (aka: Dean Clean’s sister).  More of her work can be viewed through her Flickr account by clicking here.

Thanks for reading, we hope you enjoy it.

-Dead C

————————————————————————————————————————————————–

The Dead Milkmen

Fun Fun Fun Fest

Austin, Tx

Nov. 8th, 2008

I was a little surprised when Fun Fun Fun Fest started up 3 years ago.  Obviously, Austin already has two major music festivals.  “What could another festival really do for the city?“  Last year was my first Fx3 outing and it filled a void that ACL and even SXSW couldn’t quite fill.  Musically speaking, I’m a little nostalgic and fairly snooty, but I hate being around crowded situations where I feel like I’m the only one who appreciates what I’m watching. At the first ACL that I went to, I had to sit through the Dashboard Confessional just to insure my placement for the Pixies.  Another trapped attendee held up a “Stop Playing” sign and every 15-year-old girl in the area (which was a lot) stopped crying along with the stupid songs to throw empty water bottles at the picketer.  Why would anyone put those two bands back to back?  It’s an asshole mistake.  If you really appreciate “Dash-BORED” you probably won’t truly appreciate seeing the Pixies.

Fx3 is the king of reunions; I had never thought I’d get to the opportunity to see The Angry Samoans, Poison Idea, and Murder City Devils all at the same festival.  I wasn’t sure how they were going to top themselves this year but besides, Killdozer, The Adolescents, and Kool Keith, they booked The Dead Milkmen! Those crazy jokesters from Philadelphia who sang about “taking retards to the zoo”, beating their wife, and “smoking banana peels“.  The DM hadn’t played since 2004, before that they hadn’t played in 10 years.  With a mostly original line up, (except for Dave Blood (1956-2004) replaced by Dandrew Stevens), Rodney Anonymous, Joe Jack Talcum and Dean Clean sat down to talk with me.

Dr Radical: Thanks a lot for coming to Fun Fun Fun, I’ve been wanting to see you guys since I was 16, it’s kind of a dream come true.

Joe Jack Talcum: He’s 17 now.

Rodney Anonymous: That’s what I was gonna say. Who did I want to see when I was 16?  Probably the Sex Pistols, no it was The Clash, who I got to see. So it worked out for me.

DR: Well done. So I heard you guys got to play two sold out shows in Philly as “Les Infants du Prague”, were they bummed that you guys showed up and it wasn’t…

Dean Clean: Yeah, yeah, no I think it was pretty well known around (Philadelphia), the word got out…

RA: We tried to keep it a secret, especially the first one, second one not so secret, but we wanted to… the second one was an all ages show and we wanted…

JJT: Second one we actually played as The Dead milkmen

RA: Yeah, I liked the first one, second one I thought was a lot more fun.

DR: Really? Younger energy?

RA: Bigger stage… the first one had balcony seats

JJT: Less equipment problems

RA: What was that?

JJT: Less equipment problems,

RA: I missed it, what?

JJT: Less equipment problems

RA: There were less equipment problems in the second one.

But as I pointed out in the first (interview), it’s The Dead Milkmen. It’s not like you went to see YES and couldn’t hear Rick Wakeman’s keyboards. I’m only going to make references to music so old that nobody who hears this is going to understand it.

DC: But yeah, they were good, and we just kinda wanted to do a little warm up, just to get used to playing live shows.

RA: Then we’d come out here and be like “Uhhh, how do I plug this in?”

DR: Are you familiar with “Cowcon”

RA: Yeah, the Cowcon

DC: Did they organize something here?

DR: Apparently, it was supposed to be here yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  How do you feel about people being either crazy about you, or they don’t understand you as much…

RA: They don’t “not understand us“, they just hate us.  I fall in the second camp; I’m in the band and I don’t understand us. I’m serious; I tend to like, you know, Nick Cave and stuff like that, but uhm… Oh I like a lot of our songs, I can actually understand not liking us.  Most bands I really like and somebody’s says something, like “I don’t really like them” and I get all defensive.  I also get that way with books, too.  I got that way with “A Secret History” the other day.  I’m like that, I either really like something or I hate it.  But this band, I kind of understand why people…I’m not sure if I would get or like the band if I wasn’t in the band.  So… That’s odd.

JJT: It’s like the people that really, really like us, they expect other people to really, really like us.  And then they find out that that’s not the case, and then they’re disappointed, and they come to us and say, “Well you know…“

RA: Well some people don’t like us but then they really tend to like music that I don’t like, I don’t like those people. But, there are a lot of people that don’t like us and then they like some music I like.

Dandrew Stevens: I always tried to get friends in to them, and if they weren’t then…

RA: Oh, that’s very kind of you…

JJT: And people will meet their wives, or their husbands, their boyfriends or girlfriends because “Oh, they were wearing a Dead Milkmen’s shirt”

“You like them too? I never knew anybody would like them, we must be made for each other”

DR: I know that’s how I made a lot of friends in high school, was you know, if they liked the Descendents and The Dead Milkmen I’d probably like them.

I heard you used to tour in a converted ambulance?

RA: Yes. Called the “jambulance”

DR: Was that the first investment as a band?

RA: It was our first van…

JJT: It was the first big investment

RA: We would run red lights in it with the windows down screaming “Hospital, emergency!”  And then I found this whistle thing somewhere, and that if you’d put it out the window it sounded like a…

DC: WOOOOOOOO!!…

RA: So we’d just drive around with that out the window, we used to, we had …

JJT: And then we got a call from, or our manager got a call from the ambulance service saying “you have to take off the phone number and the…”

[Dean pulls out a plastic siren whistle and blows it.]

RA: Oh! Look at that! Exactly! Dean has one! We used to put that out the window…

JJT: …“one of your ambulance service vans is being rude to people…”

RA: Yeah, after we failed to pick up the third or fourth coronary.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

RA: They’d say “Oh my God, we need an ambulance! Get this man to a hospital!”  We’d lean out the window, “He’s a Christian Scientist, get him to a reading room, he’ll be fine”

DR: What made you move on?

RA: To… out of that ambulance?  It got old!  We put like 200 thousand miles on it.

DC: The timing chain went…

JJT: We had a lot of miles on it.

RA: I loved that…

DC: Then we sold it to another band

Ha ha ha

RA: Yeah, yeah, we sold it to another band… and they were not happy, I remember that, yeah.

DR: I’m from Seattle originally, and I heard how Tad sold his station wagon was by signing it.

RA: Wow, how about that?

DC: A souvenir?

DR: Yeah. Did you think about that?

RA: No, other people would sign the van for us, there was graffiti all over it…

DC: “I controls ze weather!”

RA: “I controls ze weather!” Oh my God!  OH!

DC: I think we left that up in there.

RA: The weird thing about that little kid, we had some picture of this little kid that looked kinda like Hitler, so we put a Hitler mustache on him and “I controls ze weather” because there’s this book called “Morning of the Magicians” that Nazi’s, at one point, believed that they could work out a way to control the weather, which oddly didn’t work for them… but the weird thing is, if you see the film Eurotrip there’s some little kid that looks just like that.

Yes, we had lots of good stuff all over that van, that van probably smelled so bad…

DR: You guys were a real hard working band, you released a lot of albums on tape before you were signed, you did your own touring. After Big Lizard in My Backyard did you miss the “do it yourself” mentality?

RA: No, I’ve played in enough people’s basements…

JJT: We still did a lot of the stuff ourselves.  We recorded our own songs…

RA: We had our own equipment, but I tell ya, I don’t miss, I do not miss playing in somebody’s basement, showing up and finding out we can’t have the show because the kid got a “C”!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

“Oh MAN! My mom is so mad!”

Dandrew: “You can crash at my parent’s house, you have to be out by 8 am”

RA: No, crashing at other people’s places, that I don’t miss.

ha ha ha

We can let that one go.

JJT: Just to keep costs down we’d stay at people’s houses half the time, gradually we’d go into hotels only…

RA: Yeah, when your staying at people’s houses you think you’d like a nice clean hotel, and then when you’re at the hotel you think “I bet there’s fun over people’s houses tonight”

You know, you’re sitting there watching HBO…

JJT: Once we did the all hotel tours, we had our choice.  You know, people’d invite us to parties, and then we’d go out…

DC: No. Because they always booked the hotel too far away from the party. “Oh, you guys are way out of town tonight…”

JJT: Oh, maybe I’m just remembering it differently. I don’t know.

RA: “We’ve got a party, it’s 25 miles that way…”

DR: You guys have played with a lot of people; you played with Debbie Gibson…

RA: Yeah, I’d forgot about that.

JJT: That was a radio station gig. Radio station gigs can be pretty weird. We did another radio station gig with Duran Duran.

DR: And also 2 Live Crew…

JJT: 2 Live Crew was a…

RA: That was a show for…

JJT: New Music Journal.

RA: Yeah, New Music Journal, up in New York.  We played with Guns n Roses when they were “5 Guns West“; they opened up for us when we were out in L.A. um…

Dandrew: Salt n Pepa, right?

RA: Salt n Pepa, yeah, that’s a show I got beaten to a pulp.

DR: Really?

RA: Yeah. I’m a big Salt n Pepa fan, I really love them. So they wanted us to play at this show, and after we played I jumped out into the crowd, and a lot of people didn’t like us, and they punched me, and I held up my shirt later on and I was all bruises.

JJT: People were chanting and getting violent wanting to see Salt n Pepper…

RA: Yeah, normally the more people hate us the longer we play…

DR: Was that during the “Push it” days?

JJT: Yes.

RA: At least I got my picture taken with Salt n Pepa, so that worked out. I was happy about that.

DC: The thing is, one of the cool things about playing today is that we’re actually playing with some bands that we actually played some shows early on with. Killdozer, DOA, Cromags… Did we do a show with Bad Brains?

RA: No, him (JJT) and I went to see Bad Brains when we were in our teens.

DC: At least those three bands we did some early touring and played some shows with those guys, so it’ll be fun to see them again…

RA: How old were we when we went to see Bad Brains?

JJT: 20 maybe?

RA: Were we 20? Wow. That’s pretty weird. That’s like a quarter of a century ago…

DR: Yeah, this is a great festival they do a lot of…

RA: Dengue Fever I found out is on the bill, and they’re fricking incredible. I want to see Experimental Dental School, all these bands I want to see and have never gotten to see, so this is gonna be a good day.

DR: You’re going to get time to go around?

RA: I’m gonna make time, I damn certain better get time to go around. I wanna see these bands.

DR: I always liked that you had a good balance between being funny and kinda sincere in a weird way, you know? You never came across as a joke band to me.  “Punk Rock Girl, is a really funny song, but its really sweet. Did you feel like you had to maintain a balance between “We’re not being too funny”, or “We’re not being funny enough?”

RA: We wanted to have fun with out being taken too seriously, but what you don’t want to do is… you know we’d always have these bands that would open up for us and they’d be like, the local, jokey, funny bands, and the guys would be like “we have a song about taking a crap in the mailbox!” well good for you guys.

[Slight interruption and bad audio]

DR: Do you guys like having more normal jobs?

DC: I kinda like sleeping in one place most of the time, its nice to come out to shows like this once in a while.

RA: If I’d known the business world was going to be this good, I’d have joined years and years ago.

JJT: I don’t really like it. But I don’t want to let my boss know that.

Dandrew: I don’t have a job.

DR: Oh, well done.

The interview was over, I thanked them for seeing me and we all shook hands and I think I told them, “good luck“.

I’ve seen a lot of reunion shows.  Sometimes it’s everything you had hoped for and other times it is severely disappointing. The other big name at this year’s Fun Fun Fun Fest was Bad Brains.  I know I’m not the only excited 30 year old that got on Youtube and looked up old Bad Brains footage in preparation of seeing HR scream and throw himself around the stage before getting mega irie. Instead of that, I got a very stationary, crooning, soft-spoken fellow with a shawl wrapped around his head. If it wasn’t so un-engaging, it may have been one of the most punk rock shows I’d ever seen.  But who wants to pay to be bored?

The Dead Milkmen didn’t treat the show like it was just a paycheck; they wanted to make it an event that mattered. They did 3 encores, and even played a Bauhaus cover.

There was a special kind of unity at this show, I felt a little like I was at Church. I was surrounded by Dead Milkmen fans. A congregation of people who had played “Bitchin’ Camaro” for their friends and found Rodney Anonymous’ impression of Jim Morrison having aids funny. I wasn’t going to become best friends with anyone there, but I could probably stand in the bathroom line and make all right small talk.

-Dr. Radical

Much like they did with their reunion announcement, Phish non-challantly posted the above video featuring skywriting over the live favorite “Punch You in The Eye” this morning, to inform fans of their intentions for their 2009 Summer Tour.  You will notice that there are no West Coast show dates as of yet but, we expect them to hit up this side of the country in the fall.  “Why?” you ask.  Because it makes sense based on their history and track records.  That and because I don’t have it in me to travel the distances that I used to and risk being incarcerated.

The following photo and information is taken directly from Phish.com:

“Phish will perform ten concerts this coming June. The shows kick off with a two night stand at Jones Beach in Wantagh, NY June 4-5 and wrap up at Alpine Valley in East Troy, WI on June 20-21. Stops along the way include a return to the Fabulous Fox Theatre in St. Louis on June 16 and the band’s first show at the Asheville Civic Center in Asheville, NC on June 9.

A limited number of tickets are available directly through Phish Tickets’ online ticketing system at http://phish.portals.musictoday.com . The ticketing request period is currently underway and will end on Saturday, January 17th at 11:59AM EST.

Tickets go on sale to the public beginning Friday, January 30th at 10AM EST. For full show and ticketing information, please visit the Tourdates page.“

I don’t regret walking the 15 or so  miles to get into what was claimed to be their final performance at Coventry, only to hear that they would reunite in 2009.  I expected as much, and the boys from Vermont knew that they would have fans loyal enough to check their website daily for news of their return and be there to see a simple video posted to let them know that their hopes were warranted.  Each time they return, however, the scene is always a little bit different.

Those who have read some of my posts on the site may have noticed that my approach to writing often falls within the realm of what some folks may classify as “agro” but, if I’m going to post something about Phish, I’m aware of the risk that I may come across sounding too “hippie” or “earthy“.  Personally, I feel that the hardcore and legitimate “phans” are aware that there is no contradiction between the two and fuck it anyway;  I’m not too concerned with either interpretion.    Phish tour is embeded in a lot of people and it becomes a part of their being as much as living in the projects or being raised in Laguna Beach can be for those priveleged young drama queens from “The Hills“.  You’ve heard it before but, it’s not just the band or music but, rather, the specific individuals that were attracted to the scene and who’ve I have become friends with over the years.  Not everyone but, my group of friends and the adventures and travels that we had personally will always be invaluable to me as an individual.  Trying to find unity with everyone that likes a particular band is like trying to find a connection between everyone that enjoys green curry.  It’s fucking ridiculous.

I had a great time on their last tour, regardless of what the bootlegs may represent but, I may have been one of the few that thought that a hiatus was necessary.  If I were to say that some adjusted better to the breakup than others, I would be referring to both the band members as well as their fans.  Although most of the shows on that last tour fell short of what many had desired, there were still some surprising aspects demonstrated by Phish which showed that they still had a few tricks up their sleeves.  I don’t want to deal with any of the drama but, I have strong plans to attend at least one show in 2009.  This is both due to my confidence that the group has more to offer, as well as, in tribute to the friends of mine who have passed since the last shows that we attended.

Probably the most astonishing surprise that PHISH pulled out of their arsenal towards the end came at a Brooklyn show on June 18th of 2004.  The Brooklyn shows were 2 of the first shows that the group performed after announcing their plans to disband.  This caused ticket prices to skyrocket beyond normal and so we sneaked into both of them.  The first night was broadcasted live, via-satelite, to sold out movie theaters across the country but, on the second night, the group surprised everyone by bringing out Brooklyn native Jay-Z to perform with them on stage.  While searching out footage of that performance on Youtube, I was surprised find a video posted by a friend of mine who may, in fact, start writing for the site.  I am, however, posting it in memory of my 3 dead homies who won’t be around to witness the reunion: Eric (aka Kid), “Greasy Rob“, and “Fast Eddie” from the ATL.  I love those guys and, I know it sounds cliche but, all three of those guys had the most positive energy and always had smiles on their faces.

Was that kind, conscious, and hippie enough for you?  Good, then watch the video and go fuck yourselves.

-Dead C

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om2EQ7YXork

Take a trip to Netflix or imdb and you’ll find out that Mos Def is a fairly prolific actor who studied film at NYU back in the early 90′s.  He also appeared in “The Hard Way” with Michael J Fox (1991) and starred on the short lived “Cosby Mysteries” (1994) but, what really caught my eye was the “Hip Hopera“, “Carmen“, which was produced by MTV in 2001.  I remember watching MTV pump the musical like it was the sequel to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller“.  The latest Destiny’s Child video, “Survivor“, was even set to premiere after the television “masterpiece“.  Well, the music sucked and, although Mos Def did a good job, he couldn’t save this poorly conceived idea to make the modern day version of “Carmen“.  It was like a generic time capsule of the early 21^st century rap music videos as a long form musical.  What I did enjoy was the MC’s work on “The Dave Chapelle Show“.  It felt magical and his performances were awesome.

2004 was a good year for Mos Def musically.  He released the critically acclaimed album, The New Danger, which featured the band Black Jack Johnson. Even though it was not a straight hip hop record, it brought Bad Brains and Living Colour together and that, alone, is pretty sweet.  In this coming year the rapper is scheduled to come out with a new CD, but it is more likely that a new Mos Def movie or television program will hit the streets before that project is released.  Smith’s ex-wife, Alana Wyatt, recently wrote a tell-all book about him, which makes some scandalous accusations about the artist, who prides himself on being “conscious“.  I have not read it, but I’m sure it was made to exploit the character and career of the performer by someone that could never have created masterpieces like 1999′s “Black on Both Sides” and 2007′s “Be Kind Rewind“.  With his latest release being the film “Cadillac Records” and, without a new record out in stores to promote, it seems as if Mos Def will simply go on tour for the hell of it.  This time through, I was able to catch Mos live at The Moore Theatre to see what his current stage show was all about.

Mos Def

Moore Theatre

Seattle, Wa

12/13/08

Anyone who made it to this concert was down for the cause. With snow coming down, it went on and on and on. The hip-hop did not stop throughout the show.  He opened by doing the song “Boogie Man” a-capella and it was dark and cool.  All you could hear was his awesome voice in the dark.  The DJ provided some great old-school style jams which went well with the message that was coming from the MC.  They had a laid back vibe to them and I didn’t feel stressed from any of the music.  The samples that he played sounded as if they had traveled around the world, found all the best music, and then fused them together.  There was a lot of new material and I had never heard many of the tracks being performed.

There were only two people on stage, which can be rare for a rap concert, but the duo was able to keep the magic on stage without a huge entourage.  This was definitely not like when Sir Mix A Lot played at Seattle’s Showbox, and had about 20 people on stage rapping all times.  When Mos Def sang, it was mesmerizing. The crowd seemed to know a lot of the songs and when to come in at the right parts.  The real fans were there and he never even had to tell people to dance.  Everyone got down when the music called for it.  He made you move.

The theater was packed that night. I remember back when my friend Ben told me about a Too Short concert that he had seen at The Moore. He said that a bunch of rappers were passing the mic on stage for way too long and that Too Short left his DAT back home.  On top of that, the show only lasted about 15 minutes.  This performance, on the other hand, was the exact opposite of what I had imagined that Too Short show to be like.  The Mos Def crowd was laid back and the security didn’t even bother to search anyone on their way in through the entrance.  I liked The Moore as a venue and the sound of the vocalist’s live performance sounded better than on his albums.  I really enjoyed the messages that he was pushing of “peace” and “love” and, if he played a concert in town again, I would definitely try and attend it.

Overall, I feel that most Mos Def should not be missed and, if you have an opportunity to catch him in your area, I suggest that you take advantage of it.  If you are interested in finding any upcoming tour dates, however, I wish you luck.  The bio and info is blank on his label’s website and Mosdef.com will only reroute you to his myspace page, which provides very little information or updates.  I couldn’t find any useful alternative links from his site/myspace page.  If they do exist, I still couldn’t locate any show dates listed, like there were when he was featured on the Rock the Bells tour in ’07.  After my recent unsuccessful investigation, I was reminded of the youtube video of a young myspace-addicted boy being harassed by his older brother.  Someone told the boy that myspace wasn’t in the future. As for the future of Mos Def’s page, I hope it will start featuring more musical info but, until that point, you might actually have better luck at imdb.com.  From what we do know, his new album, “The Ecstatic“, has a tentative release date in February and he is currently working on the film “Keep Coming Back“, co-starring Steve Buscemi and directed by William H. Macy.

-Mac Dawg

(All photographs courtesy of Jason Ross from The Seattle Theatre Group)

The first single from The Ecstatic is called “Life In Marvelous Times” and is currently available for free download by clicking HERE

The video below is from Mos Def’s Moore Theatre performance.  The song featured is called “Auditorium” and is another track from his upcoming release.  The beat was done by Madlib and the song will also contain a verse by “The Ruler” Slick Rick.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcxVyEpVhlk

This video just popped up on Phish.com and Youtube today.  Phish has finally announced their reunion to take place at Hampton Coliseum in Hampton, Virginia on March 6, 7 and 8, 2009.  Obviously, Hampton has been one of the more popular venues for the band to perform at over the years.  If you have never been to a show at Hampton or seen a photo of the venue,  it looks it looks somewhat like an extra-terrestrial space craft, complete with alternating multi-color lights.  If it’s anything like the last time I saw the guys perform out there, you can get a slew of velour hoodlum gear just blocks away from the venue in shopping centers that house a TJ MAX, ROSS, and a MARSHALLS (that’s right all 3)!  Get your budget gangsta on and pop down to the lot.

Of course, this was only a matter of time and more tour dates will be announced shortly.  It appears that there will be a summer tour which will end with another classic festival in the North East.
For now, there is a week long ticket request lottery that closes on the 8th.  You can attempt to purchase some by clicking here.

Tickets open to the rest of the public on the 10th.

Good luck ya’lls!

Mike Gordon
Seattle, Wa
Tractor Tavern
8-22-08

New Album:  The Green Sparrow

If you don’t know who Mike Gordon is, you could pretty much ask anyone who does and get, more or less, the exact same response, “He was in Phish.  He was the bass player“.  A similar answer would be yielded when asked about any of the other 3 members of PHISH and, although each of these musicians have continued to venture on with new, often critically acclaimed, projects in their own right, it is unlikely that they will ever be aptly described if not in connection with their former band.  The members of PHISH are caught in a double edged sword of recognition that I like to refer to as the “Seinfeld Theory” and, historically, it seems as if there are but few methods that have been utilized to hop off this backsliding treadmill of fame and successfully move forward.

Although many of us think about the film “Evil Dead” when we hear the name Sam Raimi and/or “Dead Alive” when Peter Jackson is referenced, the majority of the American public immediately associate the “Spiderman” and “Lord of the Rings” trilogies with these corresponding directors.  Both men went from low budget, yet groundbreaking and influential, horror movies and seamlessly into a genre of family films.  I attribute these phenomena to the fact that the mainstream blockbusters that they made were targeted towards a demographic who had no previous frame of reference for these filmmakers.  Some “screech cred” was, no doubt, lost for them by the likes of avid Fangoria readers but their new work, although inconsistent, was still solid enough to allow them to take new directions in their careers with the support of the public.  Will Smith went from being a mediocre, precocious rapper into the “biggest box office draw in the world” and, despite doing so as a mediocre/precocious actor, he used the method of reinventing himself by going into a completely different direction than what he was known for.  For him, it worked because rich “White America” saw Smith as his non-threatening TV counterpart that wanted to move out of the “street-life“, that frightened them, and into “their world” through light-hearted comedy and a yearning to be accepted.  For better or worse, one name that is still difficult to mention beyond it’s association with Will Smith is DJ Jazzy Jeff, and that poor bastard actually popularized the “transformer scratch” and invented the “chirp scratch“.  Street-tech pioneer, Jason Lee was able to work himself into a stable acting career through using a combination of both tactics.  The 360 flip legend went into a completely new direction after first establishing himself in the more underground world of professional skateboarding.

The only other ways that I can think to completely reinvent your self in the public eye are to either do something so iconic and of such high quality that others are forced to take notice or to do some crazy ass, wingnut , loony shit that is so over the top and dysfunctional that your previous efforts are almost completely erased from popular memory.  Two examples of infamous lunatics whose debaucherous antics have overshadowed their crafts are Dennis Rodman and Britney Spears.  Of course, the more desirable position to be in would be one in which your current projects are as successful and impervious to time as the previous efforts that you are known for, but not everyone can be both Han Solo and Indiana Jones.  A career spanning 20 years with a band as influential and imitated as PHISH is going to take some impressive efforts to move beyond and, from what I’ve heard, both live and on record, Mike Gordon’s latest project, “The Green Sparrow“, is not going to cut it.

THE NEW ALBUM

“The Green Sparrow” is, at best, uninteresting.  How this album was whittled down from 62 possible songs and into these 10 disposable tracks is beyond me.  The members of PHISH have never had the best voices, but have usually been able to harmonize and play to their strengths of musicianship.  On Gordon’s solo album however, the sound is definitely lacking.  If you remember Michael McCary with the cane from Boys II Men, then try imagining buying his solo album.  Hell, I doubt you would even have much luck getting through Ralph Tresvant’s (New Edition) solo album, and he was actually the front man of his group.  I understand that the songwriter’s strained voice is one of his staples and that we are “supposed to overlook it” but there are definite holes in Gordon’s album that are beyond what I was expecting.  Mike Gordon has been, arguably, the most interesting member to watch in his off time from the band and has produced some very solid offerings in recent years, which is why his most recent release is so disappointing.  During the original PHISH hiatus, (Oct. 7th ’00-Dec 31st ’02) Mike teamed up with acoustic guitar legend Leo Kottke to create the album “CLONE“.  For over 30 years and 30 albums, Kottke had remained primarily as a solo artist but, somehow, his 6 and 12-string guitar picking blended flawlessly with Gordon’s bass stylings for an incredibly sound collaboration (pun intended).  The music that they created as a duo was similar to such combinations as Garcia/Grisman or even Peanut Butter and Chocolate in the respect that it made so much sense,  when they finally got together, that one instantly had to wonder why it hadn’t happened sooner.  It was a step in a different direction, but still a step in an interesting direction and Kottke/Gordon went on to release a second album titled “Sixty-Six Steps” in 2005.  Gordon released his first real solo album in the form of 2003′s “Inside In” (Ropeadope).  It was an inspiring move but in, yet another, completely different direction and involved Gordon playing, stacking, and weaving multiple instruments into sonic mosaics on songs like “Bone Delay“.

The most notable track on this newest follow-up actually sounds like a combination of both his “Inside In” and his Kottke projects.  The song, “Andelman’s Yard“, has Gordon as sole instrumentalist, employing the same layering techniques as on “Bone Delay” while incorporating the plucky acoustic grooves of a Kottke album and teasing at mini-breakdowns reminiscent of “Foam” (PHISH).  This is what I was hoping for from the rest of the album, but it failed to deliver.  Lead off track “Another Door” also consisted of Mike playing all of the instruments, however, the drum track was later replaced.  I don’t feel that it is as successful as “Andelman’s Yard” but it is musically more interesting and less bland than the rest of the album.  The cover sticker boasts guest appearances from Trey Anastasio (Phish), Page McConnell (PHISH), and Billy Kreutzmann (Grateful Dead) but they all seem to appear together on the same Southern Blues Rock driven track, “Traveled Too Far“.  This song also has some redeeming qualities but I wouldn’t quite call it a saving grace.  What could have saved this album is less monotony.  With a voice that has such limited range, Gordon should have counterbalanced it by giving the music a wider scope of rhythms and intensity.  I suppose that it’s a decent song, but with a lineup that is basically PHISH with Kreutzman replacing Fishman on the drums, not to mention an extra guitarist and pianist, it could have easily become something that I wanted to listen to as opposed to something that I just didn’t mind listening to.  One of the major aspects that has always differentiated PHISH from The Grateful Dead is their penchant for throwing down heavy funk jams, and I’m honestly confused by the lack of all-out danceable funk on, of all people, their bass players album.  I feel like an elderly woman in an 80′s Wendy’s ad and am wondering, “Where the fuck is the goddam beef!”

THE SHOW

On August 13th, Gordon and his new band played at the Highline Ballroom in New York before doing an in store and 2 free shows.  His recent performance at Seattle’s Tractor Tavern was the first non-free concert since and was the only sold out show on the tour.  The bassist apparently did 6 months worth of auditions before settling on the lineup which includes guitarist, Scott Murawski (Max Creek), a long time collaborator and member of Mike’s Honky Tonk outift, Ramble Dove.  Murawski is actually the only member that appears on the “Green Sparrow” album at all.  Instead, Gordon had the questionable idea to record an album with different people and then find a touring band.  The other members are made up of Craig Myers (percussion), Todd Isler (drums), and Tom Cleary (Keys) who has studied with Yusef Lateef, and has performed with the likes of Lester Bowie and Bill Frisell.

SET 1

The show actually started off well as the band worked into some fairly decent jams.  Murawski sang on the third song of the set, “La La La“, which they eventually worked into the infamous “Curtain With” jam.  At this point, if you are an honest and analytical fan of PHISH’s music and not just a twirling, pharmed out dipshit, enamoured with anything “jam band” related, something inevitably happens that creates a “Rift“, if you will, of duality within your own feelings and viewpoints.  Part of me was excited that they busted out some classic PHISH but then I instantly got that “You’re not my real dad!” feeling of resentment.  I wouldn’t say that went as far as a, “Why don’t you love mom anymore?!” moment but it was difficult to remain as impartial towards his solo project as I had intended.  In 2000 I saw about 6 Phil Lesh (Grateful Dead) shows when he was touring with Bob Dylan.  At a few of these shows they busted out “Franklins Tower” but when they got to the part right after they sing “Roll away the dew“, they left out the little guitar noodle that Jerry always did.  It wasn’t that I expected to hear every Garcia solo exactly the same way that he did them or for them not to take any creative liberties but, whether they realized it or not, that little mini-riff is actually an integral part of the song and it instantly flung the band, at least in my mindset, into a “poor Grateful Dead cover band” status.  I got the same feeling during “Curtain With” at the Gordon show and it became a great catalyst for self reflection.  Mike Gordon’s band did not sell out the Tractor Tavern, Mike Gordon’s past did, so what did we all show up hoping to see?

SET 2

The band finished off that first set sufficiently with a version of “She Said She Said“, from “Revolver“, and, their most recognizable track, “Andelman’s Yard“.  The next set didn’t start off all that amazing but it picked up when Boston vocalist Emily Grogan took the stage for a cover of Aretha Franklin’s “Rocksteady“, which they jammed into a cover of “Things that Make you Go Hmm“, with percussionist Craig Myers rapping the vocals.  When everyone around me was vocal about racking their brains by trying to decide if it was a cover of Dee-Lite or Young MC,  I was able to relieve some frustration by explaining that it was actually a C&C Music Factory song, but I couldn’t do anything about the inner disappointment that they may have felt for knowing every lyric.  They jammed the song into “Traveled Too Far” before ending the set a bit choppy.

ENCORE

The encore started off with the song “Meat” (Story of the Ghost) which is apparently Mike’s equivalent of Page McConnell playing a “Cars, Trucks, Buses” encore at all of his shows.  There was one spot on the floor drenched in beer all night and I believe that it was around this time that I saw some drunk broad laying in it while people around her were trying to lift her up and out.  “Hey!” I thought, “I think the last time that I saw this was at a PHISH show.“  I’m sure that it would be no surprise to Mike Gordon when I say that the encore sounded like absolute shit and that it was a fucking disaster.  From what I recall, there were little tastes of them trying to work the “Curtain With” back into the jams in the 2nd set and they were doing that again in the “Meat” jam of the encore.  In fact they tried to do a lot of shit in this jam but none of it really worked out.  You may notice that the posted set list will look something like this:

Encore:
Meat >
Things That Make You Go Hmm

However, as anyone who saw or heard the encore should know, it could be more realistically posted as such:

Encore:
Meat > :(

Things That Make You Go Hmm

The little segway jam arrow (“>“) should be removed because it was such a disaster that the jam itself actually stopped.  I’m fucking serious, it was all but brought to a screeching halt as Mike Gordon looked around confused at everyone.  Eventually the drummer, who was most likely the original cause of the wreck, tried to work out a beat on his own and then the rest of the band slowly, and mostly reluctantly, worked back into playing the novelty,  “Things that Make you go Hmm” again.  I only say, “mostly reluctantly” because the percussionist, who was now sporting sunglasses, both on top of his head as well as over his eyes, seemed all too excited to return to his moment in the spotlight by regurgitating all of the lyrics from beginning to end all over again.  I saw PHISH jam in and out of “Moby Dick” throughout an entire show and do it very successfully, but The Mike Gordon band is no PHISH and C&C Music Factory is no Zeppelin.  Someone needs to inform this Craig Myers cat that the crowd was with him the first time but, after trying it again, it cancelled itself out and was like watching Mickey Hart (GD) rapping “Fire on the Mountain” for the 30th time.  They finished that trash with open ended nonsense and without any real conclusion before they finally left the stage.

Honestly, the jam debacle wasn’t the most upsetting part of the show.  Gordon’s band is young and, after realizing that the crowd responded to a couple of tricks, they made the rookie mistake of getting too excited, beating it into the ground, and becoming parodies of themselves.  Scott Murawski has been in the game for 30+ years but Max Creek has never seen anywhere near as much attention as PHISH. Besides, as a group they are still learning to work together.  What really disturbed me were those in attendance that were smiling and dancing as if this was the best performance that they could have ever witnessed.  Look, I love The Grateful Dead and PHISH, In fact, I think that anyone who calls themselves a fan of psyche music but claims to hate The Dead, needs to relisten to “Mars Hotel” but beyond that, I have found that I have little to no interest in most any other group that can be best and solely described as a “Jam Band“.  Not as jazz, bluegrass, electronic, or rock, mind you, but as a “Jam” band.  When you decide to limit your scope of interest, especially in music, you will eventually be forced to sift through the leftover remains to discover any new art.  Most other “jam bands” have never had the luxury of years to perfect their craft without a massive audience before being thrown on the big stage and to the wolves.  The issue has become that, in the jamband realm, the “wolves” are often limited and written off as “agro” which, in turn, winds up encouraging 2nd rate shit to continue.  When PHISH broke up I just went home, but many people are looking for “the next big thing” to follow around in an effort to stop progressing in their own lives.  So why should they care if the music that they listen to continues to progress or not?

THE REUNION?

In a recent interview with Jambands.com, Gordon addressed journalists’ seeming disinterest in his current project and their unwavering focus and speculation about a possible PHISH reunion by saying that interviewers consistently ask him how he feels “about Trey’s left nut comment?“  He went on to say, “…everyone knows we’ll probably get together and there’s nothing more to say“.  If you don’t already know, the “left nut comment” is the latest cause for speculation that has Internet trolls on the Phantasytour.com message board taking a break from masturbating with their own tears of loneliness, and finally rubbing one out with a natural saline lube of joy, excitement, and wonder about what could be.  The reference pertains to the following quote from a May, 21st interview with guitarist/front man, Trey Anastasio and Rolling Stone Magazine: “When Phish broke up, I made some comment about how I’m not gonna go around playing ‘You Enjoy Myself’ for the rest of my life,” Anastasio said with a laugh. “And it’s so funny because Fish and Mike and Page have been talking to each other a lot lately and now — it’s not that I can’t believe that I said that, but its symbolic of how much I lost my mind or how much I lost my bearings or something. Because at this point in time I would give my left nut to play that song five times in a row every day until I die. I certainly thought about that while I was in jail“.  I vividly remember that moment when the band retired the trampolines that they would use during their “YEM” performances by lowering them into the crowd at Coventry.  A few days later, I talked to a Jamie Masefield from the Jazz Mandolin Project at his show in Milwaukee.  He mentioned how moved PHISH was by all of us fools that walked 10-15 miles to get into that final festival and it was a sad time for a lot of people.

Even though I knew that I was in the minority, I was a huge proponent of PHISH disbanding around that time.  It wasn’t just becuase they were obviously burnt out and that the quality of their work was clearly diminishing but also because I seemed to have a different viewpoint on the directions that the individual members were going.  Many people hated Trey’s big band efforts but I felt differently.  From an artistic standpoint, I could respect the idea of Trey heading into a new direction that he was never able to fully embrace before.  This is also why I enjoyed Anastasio’s conducting of an orchestra at the 2004 Bonnaroo when everybody else was just talking shit.  The moment that his post-PHISH career hit a wall for me was when he introduced his new stripped down outfit at the Bonnaroo of the following year.  I tried to get over their initial appearance, which rivaled that of recent GNR lineups, but the band itself just wasn’t very good.  PHISH was a band that could play songs like “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit it” and “Tubthumping” and get away with it but, when Anastastio brought American Idol contestant Bo Bice out to sing on stage, it was hard to tell if it was actually a joke or not anymore.  My fear is that, at this point, Mike Gordon is about to run dead smack into the same wall that Trey hit 3 years ago.

My aim with this incredibly long album/concert review/thesis is not to, necessarily, discourage anyone from attending the upcoming Mike Gordon band performances or even to incite a riot in the name of a PHISH reunion.  It was actually really nice to get an opportunity to meet Mike at the merch table after the show and see him in a much smaller environment.  I am also quite aware the Seattle performance was an early spot on the tour and, with Gordon at the helm, I have no doubts that there will be a definite progression by tours end.  I find his new album to be rather weak but the last few PHISH albums had become increasingly worse anyway.  The nice thing about “Farmhouse” was that, by the time that it was released, and even with the blatant “No Woman, No Cry” rip-off title track, I had already gotten the chance to witness the live potential of songs like “Piper” and “Sand“.  By the time PHISH played their last show at Camden (NJ) I actually began to appreciate the advancement of some of the same newer tracks that I had previously hated.  This is because, unlike most other bands, much of the song development actually takes place after their original recordings.  This is the same reason that I may even grow to really like some of the tracks off of “The Green Sparrow“.  I didn’t find any problems when Gordon played “Foam” and “Mike’s Song” with Benevento/Russo, but they had a different take on those PHISH tracks that made them feel original.  I basically feel that Gordon’s recent troupe, much like Trey’s “rock” band, will continue to be viewed with confusion and animosity if they fail to make a drastic change towards originality.

Gordon seems to consistently point out how much different Murawski plays than Trey but, to me, the Gordon band’s members sounded like they were trying fairly hard to imitate their predecessors.  The sound may have a lot to do with Muraski choosing to play with a Languedoc guitar, just like Trey.  However, Tom Cleary’s keyboard jams also contained very obvious tinges of PHISH’s McConnell, with the major difference being that this crew actually let Cleary do some soloing.  If these bandleaders are going to continue to present rock acts so similar in format to PHISH, I find it very hard to believe that they will ever be viewed as anything beyond cheap imitations.  They do not seem to be collaborations because they are not helping the front men mature, instead they are only helping them to focus more attention on themselves and that isn’t always a good thing.  They also raise the questions of, “If these guys clearly don’t want to go into new directions, then why would they keep performing in new groups” and inevitably make people wonder, “When is PHISH going to get back together.“  You have to wonder if Gordon’s thoughts aren’t similar when the one song where his former band members make an appearance together on his solo venture features lyrics like, “I don’t wanna go back when I think that I might find something further ahead, but I don’t know where I am“  Plus, “It feels like I’m soaring through space with my worries.  I start to unravel when I see I’ve traveled just a little too far.  When the only planet left is the one that they say has been demoted I start to wonder where my rickety spacecraft here has floated.”  and “Woah, I realize I’ve traveled much too far.  I’m starting to know now“.  One thing is for sure, when the spotlight in on you that close, your shadow is bound to become much larger than you are.

-Dead C

A kind of Lot Dictionary, where all the words sound like they end in the letter “Y”

My friend Sleepy Matt and I were talking about the ridiculous amount of code words, nicknames, or special dialect that tours kids communicate with. I was telling him that I might be out of the lingo loop these days, but I was sure I could pull together a few words. Once I got started on this, it really didn’t have an end. A couple of my other friends also helped me out on this – Conbot and Genius (Dead C) – so I have to give credit where credit is due. With times always a changing, this is almost an implacable task. So, we decided to try and compile a list of words ending in the sound of “Y” that you will hear when you go to a super phat, heady, double terminated, enhydro, triple encrusted, ethereal show, brah.

And to further understand where these words are originating from I will explain what a “lot” is as well as a “kid”, why you can hear them here, and what the fuck this has to do with anything.

Over the last 40+ years, America has been inundated with prominent mainstream music. With the advent of the radio, television, and now the Internet, we have the ability to listen to all types of music. Some of these bands, while not always in the mainstream, have generated a loyal, and to some extents, cult following comprised of die hard fans. To appease the masses of fans, many of these bands have the ability to throw gigantic concerts or festivals (see below) that draw tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of fans.
These enterprising bands have parlayed this success into multimillion dollar empires, built upon the loyal following of fans, and others who see the very easy ability to turn their concert experience into a lucrative, enterprising adventure, by capitalizing on the obvious need these masses of people have, by selling every type of ware you could imagine. Essentially, these places function as miniature mobile cities and ecosystems, that require food water, clothing, drugs, and shelter, and of course music, to survive and sustain their experience from one venue to the next.

All the words listed below in this lot lingo dictionary end in “y”, “i.e.”, “I”, “ies”, “ys”, and “ey”, and originated in the parking lots at these concerts. The ones I list below are generally regarded as the main ones used on today’s lot, and do not take into account the words heard on lots in years past, such as in the 60’s, when no one really remembers them anymore, anyway.

The parking lots are the breeding ground of innovation and adaptation. Words were invented to keep them unknown from authority figures. They were made to characterize and standardize things that exist, in some respects, solely on the concert lots. They were made to gain a sense of place and a connection with each other. Some are taken from the ghettos and urban areas that are often near parking lots in major cities. Outsiders bring some in from other regions and dialects. Some are just abbreviations of the real words used to describe whatever it is they are describing. Some were made out of pure fun, and for comedic value. And some are just products of years of this repeated pattern and behavior of the lot. Many are used to describe drugs. All are used to describe commonplace things occurring at these concerts.
The list of lot vernacular is long and storied. This article only deals with one type of word, which I explained above. Be aware that there are hundreds if not thousands of other words heard uttered everyday on the lot that are solely products of the lot. Since the words listed below are generally the most common (possibly because they are easy to say and remember), and the fact that I think a lot of them are funny and sometimes completely preposterous, I decided to go with them.

So whenever you find yourself in the parking lot of a concert, you are actually in “the lot”. The lot is the epicenter of trade and the free market of evolving industry. It is an entrepreneurs dream, and the most popular place before and after the concert. A term used to describe people that frequent these types of places, and who also sell a commodity, can sometimes be referred to as kids, or tour kids. However, this can be taken in a derogatory sense, and some do not prefer to be called that. Unfortunately for you and fortunately for me, no one gets a say in this but me, and many of my references below refer to people as “kids”, if for nothing else than the fact it is easy to say and relate to. So tough shit. If you don’t like it, then rethink the fact that this is an article that is documenting and glamorizing words that are uniquely found in this place, and that at the end of the day, I just don’t care about your feelings.

Booby – you hear this everywhere. Referring to a woman breast, tit, or “boob”.
“Hey baby, let me touch your booby.”
Moving on.

Celly- Reference to the cell phone. This term has become mainstream as well, but there was a time when you could tell it was getting thrown in to the mix of shorter convenience words that are commonplace on the “lot”.
“let me borrow your celly, kid”

Chemmy- Typically referenced in regards to marijuana that is grown with chemicals, as opposed to organically. Often the result of herb grown hydroponically, since it’s not really organic if you aren’t using soil. You can usually tell when the smoke of the herb you are smoking has a chemical aftertaste, or it pops and cracks when it is lit on fire. Often produces side effects like headaches and beasters (which is a type of shitty, mass produced Canadian weed). Also can be used to describe most non-organic drugs, those made in a lab (or bathtub), that are created through the mixing of chemicals. Typically harder drugs and not classic hallucinogens like LSD. I am mainly referring to methamphetamines, as a prime example.
“I can tell you didn’t flush this before you cut it. This is hella chemmy, man. Everybody’s gonna know.”

Chockies- Oh man. I started laughing when I thought about this one. This is another word for chocolates, as in, mushroom chocolates. Usually uttered by drunken frat kids that think they discovered how to not make themselves look like total “custies” [see below]. It doesn’t work. If anything, this singles them out even more. It’s the same type of person that would say “newbie” to me. But, it’s people like this that keep my kids in Air Jordan’s. Lets just move on, shall we?
“Hey man, you got chockies, or what?” “um…yeah, no problem! 50 a piece.”

Chunky- Meaning thick, heavy, good. Can denote quality or imply girth. Typically associated with blown glass artwork and pieces, such as glass pipes. Also associated with heady crystals, and crystal wraps. Specifically pertaining to the size of crystal, or the thickness of the glass. “Sick wrap. I like the chunky crystals” or “these are some chunky pieces you got. I like the dichro, yo”

Clie or cly – clientele. – A less popular reference for a customer of your various goods and sundries. See custie above.
“I got my clie right over there waiting for you to give me the digi, so we can wrap this shit up.”

Coolie- a cigarette dipped, or covered in cocaine. It is either placed on the tip of the cigarette, or “glued” to the length of it. Emits a foul odor. One step closer to crack, and smells like it too.

Custie- A “customer” in the lot. Usually referring to somebody that will pay the higher price for your wares. Someone that does not know the people to get the good deals or buy in any sort of bulk purchase. These people pay the market price, and don’t get discounts for buying in bulk. The going rate is what you tell them. Often they are subject to fake goods, or severely slacked products or services. They are susceptible to lies and deceit, and quite often, don’t care and expect it. This also refers to a young tour go-er, or someone thought to be completely out of the loop. This is often someone who is not considered to be “cool” or “heady”- as the case may be. This is generally a derogatory word, used in the same fashion.
Example: “There are so many custies at this festival, were going to be able to get really fucked up in Vegas.”

Digi- Digital Scale. A scale used for weighing mail or gems that includes an accurate digital readout. A must have for those who insist on getting the bottom line right to the penny. Or just making sure that bag of weed is actually 3.5.

Dippies- (east coast sherm sticks)- also see “sherm”. This refers to cigarettes that are dipped into liquid PCP (some call it embalming fluid as well, but that is not what it actually is). It also comes in rock form. It is most often ingested by way of smoke, in any event. In recent years it actually has become embalming fluid and formaldehyde. Think about the sharks you can buy that are preserved in jars. That’s formaldehyde and you might be smoking it. I saw it happen in Miami.

Apparently, the main market is controlled and manufactured mainly by L.A. street gangs. However, I’ve really only heard this referred to on the East Coast. But if they do control it, that explains the desire to outsource it with cheaper alternatives, such as formaldehyde. But don’t worry, you can find drugs anywhere.
“gimmie dat sherm, bitch”

Doobie – actually, you probably wont here this one very much. The last time I heard this, I was actually at a Doobie Brothers concert.
“Hey man, you wanna spark this doobie with me?”

Dready- Any person that has their hair in dreadlocks, especially if those dreadlocks are of great prominence, is called a dready.
“look honey, dreadies.”

Festie- Festival. This is the slang term for a large concert, typically comprised of many bands and people in the tens of thousands that camp on site for an average of 2 days and 3 nights. Some examples would be Woodstock, Bonnaroo, and Burning man. They are often more than music, and offer an array of vendors, as well as comedy shows, general performances, and often carnival rides. Some big time bands have thrown festivals, such as Phish. Many people have resorted to following around festivals to make money and have a good time after their band of choice disbanded. Such as Phish, Grateful Dead, etcetera.
“I’m going on festie tour this summer, brah. I’m gonna bank.”

Foily- Smoking coke or meth off of foil. Produces a terrible smell. Highly illegal, and not recommended. Toxic to you and everyone around you. A surefire felony.
“I dunno. I just realized I was smoking foily’s for 3 days and decided it was time to probably get some food”

Forty- while this is not strictly a lot term, it can be heard from time to time. As most of you know, this is in reference to a forty-ounce beverage. Usually it is Colt 45, Old English, or some other malt beverage. Heard more often in the Northeast.
“I just need a couple forty’s to make it through the show and I’ll be straight”

Groupie- These are slutty bitches that try to get backstage after the show and fuck band members. Usually they are wicked hot, and you might think they were porn stars. In reality they are not far off. They could have quite possibly been in porn videos, if only on the Internet. They are typically ruthless, and will do whatever it takes to get backstage. The people that benefit most from this sort of persistence are the security guards that get sympathy blowjobs for giving them access to the band members.
“My girlfriend is in there!” roady replies, “A lot of peoples girlfriends are in there, buddy”

Heady – perhaps the most crucial and important lot term of all time. Pay attention kids. Your measure of success is measured in headiness. Being heady is the equivalent to being cool. If you are heady you are cool. If you are heady you might be a person, or you might be a nugget (of weed, bitch!). If you are inanimate and referred to as heady, that means you are of the highest quality. Being heady also is a measurement of years put in on the lot, and a level of consciousness as deemed by a group of your peers. More likely it’s the person best dressed (by lot standards, of course). Skate shoes, a hoody, a crystal wrap, a flat-billed new era cap, shades, and some LRG gear (preferably Rastafarian colored), coupled with some roomy pants- should do just fine (Hidden pockets, an extra bonus of headiness – ed). Please don’t forget to have the longest dreadlocks, or some sort of hair nappification. Ideally, being heady is an estuary of pimp. Sort of like human evolution from chimps’….sorta.
“That cat is so heady, brah” “That is a heady wrap, man” “ that show was soooo heady”

Hippie- I almost forgot this word. Trying to really give a definition of this word is futile. What it once was, it is not anymore. What it is, is not necessarily what it could be. That being said, this is the general feeling, or perception of what it is on the lot. Which is a long hair, typically environmentally based, dirty hippie. If they are women they don’t shave their legs. If they are man, they don’t shave their face. They often smell like patchouli and other forms of oil and incense. They have a romantic view of what life is or could be. Contrarily, they are also fed up with big business and government, and are suddenly caught in a giant hypocrisy, which is their life. Life is beautiful, but actually it really isn’t. These people often have little or no money, and survive by spanging (panhandling), charity, and karma. They often group together to hide and lessen these obvious deficiencies. Can be found banging the hand drums, such as djimbes. Many use drugs and marijuana as a means of income, and more often as a crutch. Often without possessions, employing the minimalist lifestyle, they try to sell worthless crap, and barter as a means of life. Obvious complications arise when they try to employ these tactics in modern society, and are often kicked out and ostracized out of communities, and forced to live in the woods. They are generally passive, and do not have the clout they once had on the lot, heeding to a rougher and tougher movement, that is the lot today. Sometimes seen wearing no clothes, or minimal amounts. Often seen without shoes, and internationally refused service everywhere. However, they are generally nice people and well liked, and can be a primary participant, and therefore the lifeblood, of things like Rainbow Gatherings.

You are more likely to find people these days that call themselves Pseudo Hippies, or basically people that pick and choose the ideals they like about hippies (such as dress, drugs, belief, and attitude), and then go to festivals and Dave Matthews Band concerts (Phish if they could, usually not Phil or GD variations). They whip out their patchwork dresses and pants for the show, and then don the Prada clothing and stiletto heals at night when in whore mode. The type of person you now see at the Sweetwater brewing company tours in Atlanta. Yeah, I said it.

Hoody- a staple clothing for followers. Without a hoody you risk being labeled a square or “nark”. Many have a complex about the hoody and refuse to go anywhere without it. This includes wearing it under unusual circumstances such as in Atlanta during July.
“Check out this sick LRG hoody I just got, broseph.”

Hoopty- A hoo ride. A ghetto ride. A car that is flat out rough looking. Usually consists of mismatched parts, and varying paint schemes. Typically much older like late 70’s to early 90’s vehicles. Can often be spotted by the loud noises they make, the squealing of the brakes, the tape over the trunk, the trash bag as the back window, and completely functioning without the help of electronics. Windows, A/C, and heat are typically broken.
“Look at that god damned hoopty. I am not riding in that to California”

Hotie (pron. Hoe-Tee)- a hotel. This is what people traveling with bands often refer to hotels as. i.e. “yo brah, lets score a hotie after the show” This is an old and popular term, and can often be heard muttered by all “kids” on the lot. As near as I can tell, this is a hotel and nothing more.
“I can’t wait to get a phat hotie tonight after the show and go to church in the morning.”

Icky- this is usually heard in conjunction with another word- sticky. Usually sticky is a precursor to icky. For more information, see “sticky” below.

Irie- A term that references a state of being, as in high. When you smoke marijuana, you become “irie”. A positive term. Also used to describe good ideas, and “heady” places, or, positive outlooks or thoughts. Irie is similar to being heady.
“I smoked those diesel wide bubbles last night and got totally irie.”

Janky- Kind of crappy or shitty. It’s fucking janky, is what it is. Possibly wobbly or not made well. Prone to breakage or falling apart. Can be reference to a person or thing.
“If we don’t throw out this janky hand scale and get a digi, I’m gonna be pissed”

Jerry- This term is kinda like heady, I suppose. You will see things for sale on the lot the employ this word, such as “jerry rolls”, which is a type of deep fried giant egg roll, or “Jerry Berry” which is a strain of marijuana. It is a name used to cleverly imply quality, and it is a fantastic branding device. Considering Jerry Garcia is the originator (or at least it originated from his name), it has a longstanding meaning of pride, nostalgia and quality in the community. It is a great advertising technique. It can be compared to the branding of Michael Jordan for Nike

Junkie- Someone who is on the “junk” or “dope” or “boy” or really just heroin. Could also be a reference to someone who does a lot of drugs, of varying types even. Typically involves needles.
However, this word has gone through a transformation. You can get junked out on just about any drugs, and there are different types of dope you could be addicted to as well. Think, “pill junkies” or “heroin junkies”, which would be two types. Or you could be a coke junkie, or maybe you just eat ecstasy all the time like a lush and are junked out on that. The roller junkies.
“All you ever see here in Camden is junkies”

Larfy- reference to plant matter that is not dense, but rather, airy and wispy. Either that or it has many strands of leaves, that can be picked off individually, which is a true test of its “larfyness”. Often associated with Marijuana buds.
“This eighth is so larfy, it looks like a quarter. Guess we better split it in half before we sell it!”

Molly- code word for a mind altering substance that makes you want to fuck everything and lie to yourself and anyone within earshot of you for a few hours about everything being perfect and nice. It’s not- so shut the fuck up already. Often heard in succession with other words.
“Molly, rolls, doses, headdies, chocolates, goo balls, vaginas.”

Mountie- This is a term for the policeman or hired security guard that are mounted on horseback, that can be seen at concerts and festival. Notable locations that I have seen them at for myself are Bonnaroo, Alpine Valley Wisconsin, and in the Canadian hinterland, where they ride on Yaks instead of horseback. Sometimes they are simply hired for the crowd control and to keep kids safe from themselves, and have no business or desire to arrest you. Often they are quite nice, and I’m not sure they even carry guns. I seem to remember them wearing short-sleeved polo shirts. I always had good experiences when I encountered them. USUALLY not a typical (or the same thing as a) “cop”. However, they are often used as lookouts at a festival to inform the real policeman of illegal or “sketchy” activity. Often seen on the perimeters of said events.
“Hey kid, they got Mounties everywhere. Keep it down”

Mushies- Another reference to mushrooms. When buyers and sellers get tired, or they are working at a feverish pace, this is the terminology that typically comes out. Can refer to the solid “raw” form, or those incased in a variety of substances like chocolate and caramel.
“Mushies, doses, headies…”

Nappy- reference to matted hair. If you have dreadlocks, you got some nappy hair. Or, if you are Don Imus, you are referring to nappy headed ho’s, which could be black people, their hair, corn rolls, or god knows what. Or maybe it’s just time for you to take a nap and you are getting “nappy”.
“they’re all a bunch of nappy headed ho’s”

Newbie- Now this one I had never heard used in this context before. When I was selling Newcastle on New Years Eve, a bunch of people asked me if I had “newbies”. Personally I think this is a stupid shit abbreviation and I would appreciate it if I never heard it again. It was generally people that seemed younger than me so I don’t know what this started from other than the fact there are some lazy fucked up people that can’t pronounce the word castle.
“Yo, bro, give me a newbie” reply, “I’m not your bro, brah.”

It is also used as a term for someone that has never experienced certain things before; someone new to the game, a newbie.

Osky/Osky Wosky- An ounce. Refers to weight. In the seventies this would be known as a “lid”. Usually pertains to weight of drugs or marijuana. Can be heard in other places than the lot. “Lemmie get one of dem osky woskies, playa.”

Oxy’s/ OC’s/ocies- Oxycontin. This is a strongly narcotic pharmaceutical opiate, often called “hillbilly heroin”. It is highly addictive and is derived from a chemical that is extracted and or synthesized from the poppy plant. Notable drugs that occur from this plant are heroin and opium. Oxycontin are pills used to treat severe pain and they are quite expensive, going for 50 cents a milligram at its lowest street market value.

Pharmies- This refers to any sort of drug that is “pharmaceutical”. Any prescription drug whether it is made here or in Mexico.

Pharmy army- A whole shit load of varying pharmaceuticals. When such a large amount is brought together, it can form a driving force of physical destruction, or an army if you will. Usually in reference to a dealer with lots of product. As in, “I got a Pharmy Army here kids.”

Phatty- This is similar to heady, but the difference is it refers to objects and not people almost all the time. (it’s almost like using y as a vowel, as in, never really). Synonyms would be sick, cool, dope, awesome, killer, badass, kick ass, wicked, and wicked bad and large. This word can also be a measure of size. It describes the object, as in “large”. i.e.- “ that is one phatty joint” (referring to size). or – “that was a phatty wrap, bro.” (referring to an objective taste).

Phunky- this is a reference to something that is a good groove. When spelled with a “P”, and you refer to something as phunky, it generally a compliment. Such as “that was a phunky groove”. How was the lot? “It was pretty phunky, man. A good time”.
Often this word can have the opposite meaning as well, meaning “no good”, or “weird”. Usually it is spelled as “funky”, when this is the case. Many words are respelled with a “ph” replacing the “f” when down in the “lot”. This is a trait of the lot, and comes with the territory.

Pokey- The jail, or police. An old school reference to the clink, this term has achieved resurgence in popularity. Once solely used to describe the jail itself, it is now often heard as a reference to the police, 6 up, or the fuzz.
“Clear out, here come the pokey!”

Poney- Pronounced [ po – nay ], is a term for a certain type of ponytail. This is a very special feat. It is also called the “directors cut”. It is achieved when one has a ponytail that is almost long enough to include their bangs. Often, the bangs are left hanging down on the sides of their face. It is a symbol of stature and pride. One retains the “one-up” mentality on everyone when used properly. When not used properly, attempting the poney can be a career ending disaster. Use with caution for it is of the highest power.

Pony- as in “Pony up Bitch!”. This is a reference to collecting money or goods, which are owed. If someone owes you money, and they have not paid you, this can be an appropriate term to use. Collections.

Pressies – similar to molly but in pressed form with extra vitamins added in. This is a term, like so many others, that will instigate laughter or anger when audible.
“Yo kid, I got your pressies right here!”

Roadie- This term applies to a person who carries equipment for a band. They are employees that tour with the band on the “road”. Hence, the name roadie. They are the workhorses of the band that tune the guitars and set up equipment. Always make friends with the roadies. You know they have connections and it is usually easier to meet them, than said band.
But, this can also refer to a road soda. Which is an alcoholic drink that you get at a bar or private club, which you could not finish while you were there. Instead of throwing it out, they allow you to take it with you, thus creating the roadie.

Rollies- A rolled cigarette. Many people are poor. Hand rolled cigarettes are cheap.
“Can I bum a smoke” “I got rollies.” Pause “um, no thanks”

Sammies- This is a Samuel Smith beer. a.k.a. Sam Smith, or Sammy Smith, or Sammy. This is a dark, heavy, premium beer. It is a popular choice among many. Generally sold in 18.7-ounce “Victorian Pint” bottles for 5 dollars, going rate. All Samuel Smith beers are vegan products, registered with The Vegan Society. The Old Brewery at Tadcaster was founded in 1758 and is Yorkshire’s oldest brewery. Samuel Smith is one of the few remaining independent breweries in England, and further is the last to utilize the classic Yorkshire Square system of fermentation solely in stone squares.

The rich Samuel Smith strain of yeast at The Old Brewery dates from the early 1900s. Hops are hand-weighed by the master hop blender, and the brewing water is drawn from a well sunk over 200 years ago.

First introduced to the U.S. market in 1978 by Merchant du Vin, Samuel Smith beers quickly became the benchmark ales for the emerging craft beer movement. To this day, they remain among the most awarded.

Scaley- Reference to good cocaine. The “fishscale”. Also see Ghostface’s new album. If something is scaley, it has a scale like texture on the outside. Can often smell like ether. Usually of high quality, or at least implying high quality.
“Fishscale! Fishscale! I got your scaley right here!”

Scrilly- scrilla, scrill. This is money. When you got money, you got scrilla. “Gotta make dat scrilla, you know.” The object of the game is to have the most scrilla by the end of it.
“got dat scrilly homie?”

sexy- usually reference to weed. Specifically a reference to a certain type of weed called beasters. If they are “sexy” beasters, they look good enough to pass as something better than what they are. What dealers look for to sell at an inflated market price. If they are sexy they typically are very crystally (with THC crystals), are of a pleasant green color, and possibly smell sweet- as opposed to smelling like hay.

Shorty sho-tay – We might be getting off track with this one. Certainly heard in ATL, when “in da cut”. It is a reference to an attractive woman. Typically one with bloated or inflated feature(s), such as ass and titties.
“What up sho – tay, get yo fine bitch ass over here.”

See also “Shortys” or “shorts”, which is the end of a cigarette, usually consisting of a couple drags. “Let me get shortys on that butt”

Shroomy- Either a reference to the hallucinogen mushrooms, or a person’s nickname. Possibly used to describe the state of being after ingestion of said hallucinogen.

Shwilly/Swilly- Regardless, it is usually pronounced “shwilly”. If someone is Shwilly, they are drunk. Usually they are wasted drunk. Sometimes it can be used to describe what is about to happen, as in “I’m gettin’ shwilly”, because they are not quite there yet. If you are getting Shwilly, you plan on being belligerent, you could possibly turn into a wook, if you keep it up. Often used as a precursor to a nick name. As in “Shwilly Billy” or “Getting Shwilly in Philly”.

Special thanks to Optahedron for reminding me about this word. This is in some ways an iconic slang, and it has done this dictionary justice by being included. Here is his example, possibly taken from real life experiences. ” I just fucked Swilly Tanya in the Honey Bucket”.

Sketchy/Shady – These two words are synonymous with each other. They are used to describe seedy, uncomfortable, – and potentially dangerous- situations, places, people, and things. You can use these words anytime your sixth sense pops up. Is that deal of yours starting to go bad? Sounds Shady to me! Who is that questionable character you hang out with who always wears the backpack? He looks pretty sketchy. How much does that bag weigh? I’ve never seen green cocaine before. Looks pretty sketch.

Ski’s- If you got ski’s, you have Oxycontin. Some say this is a reference to snorting cocaine. Usually if you hear “you got my ski’s”, they are referring to their need of Oxycontin. To go skiing, is typically more of a reference to snorting cocaine. So ski’s is more of a noun and refers to said pill. Skiing is a verb and refers to said powder.

Skunky- a reference to weed that smells like a skunk. This is not an unpleasant smell. It is usually overpowering and smells florally skunky. Pungent. A treat for the olfactory senses. Denotes a high quality.

Splitty- a split windowed VW bus. These are so epic in the culture and history of concert attendees. Made popular by sheer economics, they are now an icon of cool and respectability. To have one is a measure of headieness as well. As in, instant headieness, or instant “you’re getting called out for being a Rasta impasta”. Even though VW is far from Rasta. Far, far from it.
“I just got this 56 window splitty. Epic, brah”

Stealie- An abbreviated term for the steal your face logo, invented by the Grateful Dead. It is one of their most, if not the most, iconic symbol that they have. It is featured on flags, albums, chests and backs. It is undeniably cool, and consists of a unique lightening bolt resting inside an oval. This is on the forehead of a skull. These two symbols combined create Captai…no, no, no. They create the steal your face symbol. And it kicks ass.

Sticky- a reference to sticky weed. Often paired with other words like “the sticky- icky”. If weed is sticky, it typically smells pungent, and has a high THC content. This high content of THC enables it to be sticky. And by sticky, I mean it will stick to your fingers, or upside down on your ceiling.

Stoney- A perpetual stoner, or a place of being. As in, “he’s been stoney all his life”. Someone who is high on pot. Not necessarily to a certain degree, but a general term for the look someone has while high.

Suby- a Subaru vehicle. Usually the Subaru outback, which is an all wheel drive car, is used to usher around wookies. Omnipresent at concerts, festivals, as well as the northeast and the northwest, these vehicles are a staple of the traveling concertgoer. They present to the audience a lower frill car, capable of braving all weather conditions, while coming off as less pretentious to the judging public. The mailman of vehicles. Keep in mind this association does not go unnoticed by Johnny law, and you may pay a price for style (as in jail time).

Taddy-. A popular beer brand on the lot, it is generally sold in 18.7-ounce “Victorian Pint” bottles, and retails for 5 bucks a pop on the lot. Porter was the first commercially brewed beer. It was named for the train porters who were its original servers and consumers. Samuel Smith’s Old Brewery, Yorkshire’s oldest, reintroduced authentic porter to the British beer scene in 1979 after an absence of more than 50 years. All Samuel Smith beers are vegan products, registered with The Vegan Society.
Very dark, fairly full in body and packed with flavor. Intense, dry tangy character of roasted barley.
“Newcastle, Sweetwater, Taddy porters…”

Tempy- This refers to a temporary person that travels with a band. Someone who gets all “headdied” out and leaves after 3 shows. Reasons being, lack of commitment, and a desire to temporarily blow their mind as opposed to all of us who sweated it out for months and years and are now brain-dead.
“They aren’t gonna last. What a tempy.”

Tittie- I put in booby, so, it wouldn’t have felt right otherwise.
Still, moving on.

Trippy- This term is not new. It is also something that is quite mainstream in the typical human bank of words. Refers to a “far out”, amazing, or possibly inexplicable, or unexplainable experience. Can also be directly associated with any sort of unnatural or supernatural experience or reference to colors. Colors associated with this word are often bright and blended. Gained popularity through the Band The Grateful Dead and the psychedelic movement that was the 60’s- which was realized in the 70’s- with tie-dyed shirts and copious amounts of LSD. Roots are nestled in psychedelic drugs such as LSD, Mushrooms, DMT, AMT, peyote/mescaline and all derivatives in between.

Trusty- Another epic term, brah. An abbreviation of trustifarian, or trust fund baby. Someone who is going to concerts and shows at the expense of their fathers’ income. A kid who is probably generally more naive (at first at least), and can afford whatever they want. Usually not very grizzled, and often very clean. Quite frankly, traveling with a band on tour will leave you hella disheveled. So if someone looks fresh and crisp by the last show, and you know that you have seen them during the whole run, chances are you just spotted a trusty. Congratulations. Now go call your mother.
“Look at that trusty over there. I’m gonna try to hop in her ride for the rest of tour”

Tweaky- usually reference to drugs that are stomped on, or cut with a highly stimulating substance. They make your heart race, and paranoid illusions real. They are a lower quality, typically. Usually refers to powdered substances.
“That is some tweaky shit…whoa

Vaginey/ Vaggy- Something that is not the greatest. Lower quality to lowest quality, sometimes used as an insult. Spawned from the word vagina, which ironically, is the opposite of vaggy, because vaginas are great, as long as they aren’t “real sweaty clams” as my friend Chattanooga John used to say.
“keep this vaggy shit, it is in one word – disgusting”

Wookie- This was a character in the star wars movies. It was a large hairy beast, incapable of pronouncing vowels, and spoke in a stentorian voice of foreign child-like, monster sounds. A creature of great strength, and just kind of nuts. Well, the wookie you find on the “lot”, is very similar. Anyone can be a wookie. If you get fucked up enough, forget where you are, and start talking gibberish, you are getting close. Usually a wookie is accompanied by a pile of vomit, rolled back eyes, a foul stench, as well as inhibitors such as beer and drugs. Their appearance is disheveled, outrageous, and sometimes angry. Often times, you have no idea what they are saying, and you could walk away without them noticing, even in the middle of face-to-face conversation. They are the grungy side of heady – like a Siamese twin who got shortchanged on the organs. A debacle; possibly funny, possibly a disgrace. Sometimes associated with dreadlocks, as in, “there is vomit in your dreadlocks, wook”.

Wotie- Similar to shorty. In fact, just go look at that definition.
“look at dat wotie over there”

Zanny’s- (xanax) Term for the drug xanax. Which is a benzodiazepam, an anti anxiety medication. It is used to treat anxiety or to come down from coke binges. It is addictive and can alter your state of mind over time. Can be dependant.

That’s all I got for now. Don’t forget that new words pop up every day, and you certainly have the ability to create them. I am by no means an expert in the field of “lot vernacular”, but if I forgot any, please mention them to me. Any word can be made into these types of words by just adding a y to the end of it. Realistically speaking, there are infinite words.
I was also thinking that there is a great deal of regional dialect, such as slang terms for local beers. There is no doubt in my mind that I have forgotten more than a few words. I mean, I haven’t lived everywhere, so I can’t possibly know all the “in” words. This dictionary could grow to be quite large, and I don’t know of any- online or abroad -that categorizes the words like we do on here. The fact is, this could be better. If you want to submit your own, or add a definition to another, feel free to do so.
Notice the lack of real invective words. I know the lot isn’t the nicest of places, which makes me wonder why they don’t have a quick and damning insult to throw out that ends in y or ie. So, tour kids of the world, time to think one up.
Don’t forget that this was strictly a collection of words from the “lot” that sound like they end in the letter “y”. Why, you ask? Because I’m writing this motherfucker – and your bitch ass aint.

Doctor J

My friend Sean Prince was the one who told me about a performance by living Country legend, David Allan Coe at the grimey ass El Corazon here in Seattle as a suggestion for the site to cover.  My response to him was, “Looks like you’re our new writer“.
Coe, who is famous for such tracks as Long Haired Redneck and for writing such hits as Take This Job and Shove It for artists like Johnny Paycheck, has a bit of a checkered past.  He was born in 1939, has at least a handful of songs with the word “Nigger” actually in the title, and is an admitted murderer.  I was hesitant about the crowd mostly.  I’m Puerto Rican and Jewish so I took an educated guess that it probably wasn’t the best environment for me to show up in, however I would definitely try to set up some tickets for him and hopefully an interview.  Sean has Longhaired Redneck as his ringtone, plenty of Coe’s records, and can usually hold his own in over the top situations, so I figured he might fare better than I.  The tickets were no problem, but the interview didn’t seem too promising based on the letter that I recieved from the tour promoter, and I quote:
“You have to direct that question to the tour manager at the gig. David rarely does interviews. But if hes in a good mood he might talk to you for 20 minutes before the show.”
The following is Sean Prince’s play by Play account of how it all went down.
-Dead C

So the night starts off pretty rough, I’m standing outside with about 500 scary rednecks in the pouring rain. The guy ahead of me is singing The Ride, by Coe. He is wearing snakeskin boots, 501 levi’s, a straw cowboy hat in a worn in black color, and a studded leather biker jacket with a Circle Jerks patch sewn on the back and a ton of hand written punk stuff like Aus Rotton and shit like that.  I look past the hilarity of the scene and directly ahead of me to where I see the mighty Peterbuilt Truck/tour bus of “the Coe” himself.  It’s white and has lime green neon flames on the front of it.  It’s a semi but a also bus at the same time.  I later had asked his son about who drives it.  He looked at me as if I were a “shit eating faggot” and says, “We do“, as if I was crazy or something.  Then I remembered watching Heartworn Highways, where Coe drives a semi while talking on a CB to The Tennesse State Prison. Coe was playing a show there in the film and is contacting them to let them know when he is getting there.  He also talks about how he killed a homosexual in prison. Coe even says at one point, “If he wanted me to fuck him in his ass I might not have killed him but he wanted me to let him fuck me in my ass. so I had to do it.” Picture that the man who is saying all of this is dressed like a Redneck Liberache wearing rinestone boots, a grey rinestone silk scarf, and a huge rinestone belt bucket with his name on it.

The line starts moving foward and these hicks are eager for there “Texas Outlaw“.  They are pushing and cutting in line one after the other like a star bellied sneech.  I was so overwelmed by this, and scared for my life to go in.  With the smell of cheap women and whiskey in the air, I made my way to the bar for a drink.  My friend Josh’s girlfriend was working the bar and, as she gave me a beer, she looked at me as if to say, “What the fuck is your skinny half homosexaul looking ass doing here amongist these Huge Birds of prey“.  I must have looked like a shiney Salmon  just dancing in the water waiting to be picked off for a nice midnight snack.  As I walked away with that thought burning in the back of my mind, I ask myself where the hell I was going to sit.  I was looking around everywhere, and then I finally saw a spot shining with heavenly light as if it was the holy grail.  It was in the corner where I could attempt to hide and spy on all the madness around me.   It was also near an exit and the recycling trash can.

The can was currently being surround by a group of huge hicks that are eye fucking me like a fresh fish in the pen.  I notice they seem to like chewing tobacco and they are spitting into the recycling, gathered in spitting order like some frat boys at a keg party.  I think to myself, “What a great idea for a photo“.  I pulled out my camera and started shooting off rounds like a outlaw at the O.K. Corall.  Pic after pic, I was feeling my nuts grow a little bit so I asked the spit party of huge hicks if I could take a picture.  I explained how I’m writing a story for Monsterfresh.com and that I needed some photo’s of the fans, so they agree and line up for a photo.  They break apart after the first shot which didn’t turn out, so I asked if I could get another shot. While taking another photo, one replies, ”Man get get the fuck out of here, I already let you take one!“, and so I moved on fearing for my life.

The opening bands? Holy shit they sucked!  I missed the first but caught the next two. BOB WAYNE is the name of the first act that I was unfortunate enought to see.  He was a muffin topped fatty with a leather vest which had a Pentagram patch sewn on the back.  His sound was, hands down, the worst Charlie Daniels rip off act that I had ever heard or seen.  It was like a hour of The Devil Went Down to Georgia, but replaced eight grade lyrics.  A lot of “bitch” and “cunt” and other typical Sublime, generation white trash shit!  “Ah, Let’s here it for shit!“  Aahh!!! I wanted to blow my fucking head off.  The crowd was eating this shit up like Oprah in a house of ham.  You know, just takin’  in all the good stuff ya can git.

People are starting to get pretty drunk at this point and it’s getting pretty loud.  I’m thinking to myself that the next band couldn’t possibly get any worse.  Oh but wait, I was wrong! In comes Kid Rock’s little brother, but with a even worse meth and smack habit. The bass player was wearing eyeliner and rocking a Ramones rip off shirt that instead of saying “Ramones“, read “Rednecks“.  Ha that’s funny!  I haven’t been so impressed with ironic humor in years.  If my friend Davis was there, he would have punched my shoulder and said, “Hey that’s your buddy!” They ended on such a sweet note with Rock’s little tweaker brother saying, “I’m dedicating this one for all the ladies out here tonight“.  The song’s chorus went like this, and I shit you not this is actually what what he fucking says: “I like my women kind of trashy, clothes too tight with too much make up on.” That was the fucking chorus.  Check them out on myspace it’s great for a laugh.  Redneck Girlfriend is the name of the band and their headline is “Loved or hated but never ignored“.  They have other great songs like ”Good Hard Fucking” and the always popular, ”Don’t Fall In Love with a Redneck”.  Those are just two of the four modern masterpieces they have available on their profile.  Hell, while your torturing yourself with Redneck Girlfriend,  why not turn around, grab a pen, stab yourself in the eye and check out Bob Wayne’s myspace.  Guess what he is a Seattle local boy, here to stay!  You can also catch him late night taking your orders at the Ballard Jack N the Box ’cause, “Man fuck it!  The rent’s got be paid!”

At this point I was getting a little tired and Coe didn’t want to be interviewed by me.  Imagine that, I thought I was so charming.  His manger Bruce Smith tell’s me “Not tonight, the man’s tired“.  Finally as DAC is coming out they are playing Jimmy Rodgers in the backround which I happen to really like, so it lifts the spirits a little.  He comes out to an unruly drunk crowd like I have never seen.  It’s a nightmare, people are so drunk it is frighenting and bottles are breaking everywhere. There are people falling down because they’re too drunk and shit like that.  It’s a typical hoedown.  Coe comes out like a ball of hell fire yelling obscene shit like, “How are motherfuckers doing in this motherfucking town?!”
“Hello Seattle, how does it feel to be at some Redneck-type shit.” The crowd was screaming, yelling, covering the whole redneck spectrum.  That’s when he says, ”This first song I’m going to play for you tonight is dedicated to my dear friend motherfucking Johnny Cash“, and then opens with Folsom Prison Blues.  He plays this as a huge medley by going in and out of hit songs of his own and other country hits.  I was thinkin about what a let down it is that an old fucking man wearing a wig has become a fucking novelity act for these assholes.

This continued for a couple more songs as bottles were flying and people were getting thrown out of the venue left and right.  Eventually, Coe slowed it down with a good ole country rant that went a li’l sumthin’ like this.
“My friend Jesse called me and says ‘David I wrote this Country song and I want you to tell me what you think of it’, so Isay ‘Well ok, let me have it’, so he did and told Jesse sorry, but that’s a not a coutry song.  There’s is nothing about trains, trucks, girlfriends, or mama’s..”  Then after a long pause says “…and gettin’ drunk!”  The crowd fucking explodes like it’s the last Rebel stand or something.  Immediately, he kicks into that Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock song ”I Put Your Picture Away“ with all of the sitting down and crying bullshit.  Well, I do hate that song but the power that man had over that auidence was unmatched.  These same people who were fighting and throwing bottles at eachother, were now embracing in a man to man hugging slow dance marathon.  It was complete with plenty of kisses to the head, and sweet eyed looks, like dad coming home with his new pick up truck all clean and fresh with brand new Southern flag mud flaps on the back.  It was enough to make a man cry, but I held my tears for I didn’t want to show these boys any weakness, and have them feeding on me like a preacher in a whore house.  I couldn’t be Jimmy Swaggart, it just wouldn’t have been good.

Coe played a few more medelies and then, out of nowhere, he started rapping as a drum machine kicked in. “I’m the real Shady yes I’m the Real Shady please stand up please stand up!”  Then there was anotehr long pause before he said, “I bet you motherfuckers didn’t know that I knew about that one.“  He then started talking about family and friends, his old mans favorite songs and how he had liked a particular song more than any other song which was sung by Waylon Jennings and his wife Jessie.  This was Mr. Coe’s dad’s favorite song in the whole world.  David thought to himself that he should do a record with just the songs he liked and ask Waylon and Jessie if they would play on the record.  David called and Waylon told him the idea and Waylons said, “Well all right David, let me talk to the wife and see what she says, and I’ll call you back in a few minutes.“  David said that he could tell that something was wrong.  The phone rings and Coe answers it right away.  On the other line Waylon says, “You know David I can’t, your record label just droped Johnny Cash after 30 years of being with them.  Nothing against you but fuck those motherfuckers!  So, if you want tell them to go hell and put it wear the sun don’t shine, we can record this album and everyone will play. We can recorded it at Willie’s home studio. “  So Coe says “Well Waylon, let me think about it for a minute.  My life is on the line here.  I got a five year deal and my family needs the money.  Let me call you right back.”  Coe calls him back in 30 seconds and says, “I called up the label.  I told them ‘You fired my friend Johnny Cash after 30 years, you can go to hell.  Mr. David Allan Coe will not put out an album for you motherfuckers.“  Coe’s says he didn’t record a record for five years after that.

After David finishes his rant he went into a cover of Midnight Rider by The Allman Brothers Band.  The crowd was going wild as I hid for cover from the bottles of beer flying across the room and the mosh pit which was going on.  At one point some fat rednick threw a bottle of beer on stage and it almost hits Coe.  David Allan’s son, who plays guitar with him, looks just some hipster in the Capital Hill district of Seattle.  He was wearing stay press pants and a tight slim fitting V-neck sweater, with a vintage button up shirt underneath, and kicks it off with a pair of suede Beatle boots.  He picked the bottle back up and hurled it back into the crowd nailing the fool who threw it in the arm with it.  It broke and cut him.  Then the guy was thrown out injured, probably cut pretty bad and on his way to the hopital.  After that happens Coe plays one more song which is Willie Nelson’s You Were Alway on my Mind.  Coe then leaves the stage to his band so that they can play some Rock n Roll jam out, with a 5 minute long guitar solo by his lead guitarist.

Coe never did return for the encore that the crowd wanted so badly.  After that I wandered over to the stage to talk with his indie rock son about music and shit like that. He tells me he likes my friend RJ’s band SexVid, and I ask him if he’ll ask his dad to come back to sign my record. He says he can’t because “Once he’s done, he’s done. He’s tired and needs rest.” I figured, that was that so I went home and pulled glass out of my hand for the rest of the night!

-Sean Prince