“One of a kind Cock bass” for sale on Craigslist

cock bass censored 1

I got my first electric bass for free after discovering it among a ton of “abandoned” shit left behind by a guy who used to rent a room from one of my friends’ moms when I was in high school.  When this kid moved in with his mother, after living with his much more conservative dad’s family for years, she seemed pretty focused on providing a home for him with very few rules or limitations, hellbent on making up for lost time by being viewed as the “fun” parent.  It was the type of situation where his mom would give us alcohol and, I’m pretty sure that she was cool with us smoking weed there (either way, we did it).  At one point, a couple of strippers moved in and there was always a scruffy little mob of Lhasa Apsos with underbites scurrying around the linoleum — whenever I’d get too faded, I couldn’t help but crack on how hideous those fucking things looked to me, to his mother’s disappointment.  The house was a little bit out of the way and I actually didn’t go over there all too often, but the environment was pretty much a free-for-all.  But, before the strippers moved in, and perhaps even before my friend, I believe, there was that guy who rented the room and left his shit behind.  Why did he move out, exactly?  The story that I was told was that he was incarcerated.  I was also told that he was a “satanist.”  I’d wanted a bass and filed it away when I noticed that head stock sticking out of a pile of junk in the extra room.  I knew that nobody else gave a shit and that I would be able to get them to offer it to me.  I was correct.

When I pulled the instrument out, I could see that it was a homemade contraption, with an extra foot or so of unnecessary wood extending down into a point on one-half of the body, almost as if the person who made it wanted to use it as a makeshift stand-up, but it wasn’t long enough.  Meanwhile, the rest of the body, which housed the pickups, was designed too short — I discovered this years later when I took it into a shop to have it looked at and the guy working there told me that it shouldn’t even be able to function properly and that I shouldn’t even be able to play the appropriate notes based on the way that it was constructed.  This was the bass that I learned to play on.  This was the bass that I actually played quite a number of shows with.  It’s what I had.  It’s also a piece of garbage, but beyond the fact that it was my very first instrument, the novelty alone has kept it in my possession, even when others have offered to purchase it.

That being said, that novelty comes absolutely nowhere close to touching that of a giant dick shaped electric bass that we stumbled across tonight on Craigslist.

cockbass ad

click to enlarge

This beast caught my attention for obvious reasons, from the fact that it’s A GIANT DICK BASS to the reasoning for selling it, but the fact that it’s being listed locally, here in Seattle, only made it that much more intriguing (should we, actually, hit this guy up?).

Beyond that, there are two main reasons that I felt compelled to give in to fate and post something about this on the site.  The first is that we already established somewhat of a precedent by posting about Jermaine Jackson‘s Victory Tour– era light-up ant bass when it was up for auction on ebay back in 2009.  That post has actually been pulling in some random traffic recently, due to a topic about wacky bass guitars on some forum, somewhere, so… we might as well give them something else to look at.  The second reason for throwing this up, which was also part of the rationale behind our original post about that Jackson bass, is because, being that it’s only an ad on Craigslist, this dick bass could disappear at anytime without it ever being documented.  In fact, who knows if somebody is flagging that thing as “prohibited” right now as I type this?  As indicated on the top of the screen shot, however, it has avoided being removed by anyone for 6 days, so far; a feat that’s impressive to someone like myself who gets randomly flagged for no reason at all, anytime that I try to use that fucking site for anything.

As for the instrument itself, it’s definitely a surprising design choice, and I’m not simply referring to the theme, which I’m really not all too shocked by, to be completely honest.  What gets me, besides the choice to include the pubic hair tuft on the body, is that, rather than incorporate the shaft into the neck of the bass and allowing the headstock to truly earn it’s name, the massive protrusion looks as if it would have to get dangerously close to the player’s face while they’re handling it.  I guess that the best way to figure out how it really does work is for one of you to go purchase this thing and then send us photos of you plucking away at it.

Here’s the link to the original ad, for anyone that’s genuinely interested in thumping and slapping this thing around.  It’s listed at a cool grand, but the good news is that the price is one thing about this electric bass that is definitely not firm.

Dead C

Located in Seattle, Dead C is the founder/editor, as well as the principal writer and photographer, of Monster Fresh. Creating the site in 2007, he did so with a specific dream in mind. Unfortunately, being a muscle relaxer-fueled fever dream, it's hard to recall all of the details. "I remember that my mom was there, but it wasn't actually her in the dream, it was actually 70s heart throb, Jan Michael Vincent. And everything took place here, in this room... but it wasn't actually here... it was different. The colors were washed out and, for some reason, there was a raccoon kicking it with us and it was wearing a holographic monocle."

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