Here’s What Seahawks QB Russell Wilson Might Look Like As A Mall Goth

russell goth watermark

You might be asking yourself exactly what you’re looking at and, if so, I really can’t blame you.  The answer is an image of what Russell Wilson, quarterback for the reigning National Football League champions, the Seattle Seahawks, might look like if he was really into sporting Jack Skellington shirts under a Boondocks Saints hoodie, while rocking knee-high Doc Martens, and carrying a Marilyn Manson lunchbox full of serial killer trading cards.  A better question might be “Why does this exist?” and, as the one who photoshopped it, I guess that the best answer that I could provide for that is, because it really probably shouldn’t.

Russell is a noted practicing Christian and one of the smiliest individuals in the league next his head coach, Pete Carroll.  For being the offensive leader on a team that boasts such aggressive, hard-hitting physical weapons as safeties Kam Chancellor and Earl Thomas, Wilson‘s positive, uplifting demeanor stands out even further.  For the most part, I stopped paying a whole lot of attention to sports in the 90s, when the Terrell Owenses of the world became more predominant and athletes like Deion Sanders were making terrible rap videos — the desire for celebrity status began to overtake sportsmanship and skill.  Although I don’t agree with NBA Hall-Of-Famer, Charles Barkley overall (see his views on Ferguson, for example), I do subscribe to the belief that you should be allowed to pursue a career as a public figure without there being the necessity for you to also pursue a position as a role-model to the children of the world.  That being said, Wilson is a breath of fresh air, not only for his genuine philanthropic nature and actions, but also because he simply cares about mastering his craft and consistently bettering himself. Not only can he lay claim to having a name that’s comprised of 2 separate athletic supply companies — I just checked and, unfortunately, his middle name isn’t “Spalding” (clearly, a missed opportunity) — but, as a Seattle resident, myself, I’ve long been aware of his weekly trips to the Seattle Childrens Hospital and the positive energy and inspiration that he spreads throughout our community and to those who need it.  In other words, he’ll probably hate this fucking picture, but something about the idea was just too hilarious to me.  I’m not the one who is Russell Wilson, after all, and this is clearly something that I would do… I mean… I did do it.

A more specific and direct reason as to why this picture was created deals with a Facebook post that I saw this morning from one Monster Fresh contributor, where he mentioned that his truly amazing 2-year-old son, in an effort to verbalize complex emotion, made the statement, I’m sad because I’m happy. Just like Russell Wilson” referring to the qurterback publicly shedding some tears, after what was easily the most remarkable and mind-boggling comeback win that I’ve ever seen, during the NFC Championship game on Sunday. [Divine intervention?  An invisible ghost crow carrying the ball, perhaps?]  His brother (the boy’s uncle) then responded by commenting with “How goth.”  Now this photo exists.

But that’s the simple answer.  The truth is that, sometimes, one can just find themselves in a daze responding to a thought that hits them out of nowhere and compels them.  Today, that situation, for me, manifested in a quick, semi-half-assed photoshop of a public figure that I actually have a great deal of respect for into a stereotype that completely conflicts with their personality  — I made this thing as a mindless reaction.  What it represents further is a desire that I have to return to a state where I can start dropping in some slightly less intense or hyper-detailed and excessively researched pieces, into the mix, more often; much like when we initially started.  For whatever reason, I’ve found myself forging a clear divide between what I consider to be “content” for Monster Fresh and the rest of the wacky, sometimes lesser-developed, ideas that I pursue outside of the site, for no other reason than they amuse me.  So, why is this “baby bat NFL quarterback image on here again?  Maybe the answer isn’t because there is no good reason that it should be, but rather because, there is no good reason that it shouldn’t.  If I have one New Years resolution, it’s for things to start getting weirder around here again and, hopefully, this is a good start.

Oh… and although we don’t really delve into the sports world much on this site, congratulations to Russell and the Hawks on the tremendous achievement of clinching back-to-back superbowl appearances (and hopefully, wins).  Keep listening to that D’Angelo.

[Side Note:  If you want to find some genuinely misguided tattoos on instagram, try using the hashtag #ItCantRainAllTheTime]

Dead C

Located in Seattle, Dead C is the founder/editor, as well as the principal writer and photographer, of Monster Fresh. Creating the site in 2007, he did so with a specific dream in mind. Unfortunately, being a muscle relaxer-fueled fever dream, it's hard to recall all of the details. "I remember that my mom was there, but it wasn't actually her in the dream, it was actually 70s heart throb, Jan Michael Vincent. And everything took place here, in this room... but it wasn't actually here... it was different. The colors were washed out and, for some reason, there was a raccoon kicking it with us and it was wearing a holographic monocle."

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