Thirteen Year Old Girl Reviews Harmony Korine’s SPRING BREAKERS

ashley benson

At that risk of completely capsizing the entire review that I’ve been working on, so tirelessly, over the last week, Harmony Korine‘s latest film, Spring Breakers, is pure hypnotic, brilliance.  It’s also incredibly polarizing.  Of course, in typical fashion, it’s taken me multiple thousands of words to express everything that I feel about it, because I just happen to like it that fucking much.  That piece is finally almost finished and will, hopefully, be up on the site shortly (possibly, even in segments).  For now, however, I wanted to share something else with you guys, in the interim.  This is something that is SO GOOD, that I was willing to put the brakes on what I’ve been so focused on finishing, and take this detour, simply to insure that all of you get the opportunity to see it.

Another thing that you would have eventually discovered, through my extensive Spring Breakers piece, is how obsessed I’ve become with following all of the negative feedback for this movie, because so much of it is pure gold.  You can legitimately feel the hatred, irritation, and disappointment in every one of the thousands of Facebook comments.  As these irate accusations and insults spread, they give somewhat of an extended life to the project, outside of the cinema.  One of the latest sources of amusement that I’ve uncovered, throughout my research, comes from the IMDB user review section for the movie, which has proven to be a wondrous goldmine of 1 star reviews.  One review, in particular, made me laugh so hard that, instead of simply referencing it in my other piece, I felt that it deserved an entire post of its own.  As the title of this post suggests, it was written by a 13 year old IMDB user that goes by the name of rominahary6.  Apparently, she didn’t fall in love with this film –she only gave it 1 star.  We don’t post a lot of guest reviews but, at the risk of spoiling my article even further, this is 0 to 1,000 times better than anything that I ever could have written.  If I had my way, she’d be writing all of our film reviews.


worst 94 minutes of my poor life,

by rominahary6

Okay, so im a 13 year old girl, and I am the biggest fan of the show pretty little liars. When I found out Ashley Benson, main character of PLL, plays in this movie, I decided I really wanted to watch it. I went with my mom and my little 8 year old sister, who is also a fan of PLL. First 5 minutes of the movie, my sister was crying, looking away from the major teen nudity. My mom and I were also looking away. After the first 15 minutes of this movie we left the theaters, after wasting about $100, because this was a dine in theater. The movie was way inappropriate to anyone between the ages of 0 to 1000. The movie didn’t go 2 minutes without using bad language, or drug usage, nudity, or anything that had to do with sex. I am happy we left when we did. Never in my life have I ever regretted anything more than I regret this. If all you look for in a movie is sex, nudity, drugs, and horrible language, this might be the movie for you. This movie had no plot, just horror. I have never had to write a review for a movie, but this leaves me no choice. Harmony Korine is the most horrible, perverted, and 100% awful person I have ever heard of. The script was horrible, and I come to ask myself every once in a while now, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS MOVIE!?!?! WHY EXPOSE HUMANS TO SUCH CONTENT?!?! I feel like I am scared for life and will never be able to forget how awful this was. If there was one person I could take away from the world, it would be this korine dude, sick in the head. This movie had no point, and I have absolutely nothing positive to say about this. Not even that Ashley Benson plays in it because as a successful actress, this could and probably will ruin her career in no time. THIS MOVIE IS SICK IN THE WORST WAY. IF THERE IS ONE THING I COULD TELL THIS WORLD, OR GENERATION, IT WOULD BE NEVER TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

[Something to think about:
this movie was so bad that she lost a full 94 minutes of her life, after only watching 15 minutes of it]

Dead C

Located in Seattle, Dead C is the founder/editor, as well as the principal writer and photographer, of Monster Fresh. Creating the site in 2007, he did so with a specific dream in mind. Unfortunately, being a muscle relaxer-fueled fever dream, it's hard to recall all of the details. "I remember that my mom was there, but it wasn't actually her in the dream, it was actually 70s heart throb, Jan Michael Vincent. And everything took place here, in this room... but it wasn't actually here... it was different. The colors were washed out and, for some reason, there was a raccoon kicking it with us and it was wearing a holographic monocle."

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