THINK DIFFERENT: Bribing the Gay Out of Your Kids with Technology

Hey!  Whose cock do I have to suck around here to finally get my hands on one of these new Macbook Pros?!”  According to the implications in a recent Los Angeles area Craigslist ad, the answer to that question for one Culver City teenager is that it doesn’t really matter; anyone will do.

While bouncing around on the internet today, I came across the screenshot of a Craigslist advertisement, in which the poster claims to be selling his son’s Macbook Pro computer, just so that he could take the money and turn around to buy him the latest model.  In a preemptive response to all those whom he anticipated might feel the need to email him and accuse him of spoiling his child, he made sure to clarify 100% what the real deal backstory behind his intentions were.  He knows how people on the internet can be and there’s something that, above all else, he wanted to be sure to try and make perfectly straight: his son.  It wasn’t that he was being an unthinking or a “bad parent;”  the idea to shower his boy with “high end” electronics was simply being utilized as a bribing method to prevent him from showering with other men.  After being caught in the midst of non-descript “homosexual acts,” his son clearly explained to his parents that, if they had been providing him with super nice, expensive gits on the reg, then he’d clearly never feel the urge to drag another guys sack across his face.

We don’t know how you feel about this, but it’s obvious that the parents are making the right call here by providing their son with the latest in internet technology to deter him from his “anti-Christian/immoral” behaviors.  Filling his room with newfangled gadgets like Apple products is, without a doubt, the best way to achieve their goal and “correct his problem.”  If he’s occupied with surfing the net, there’s no way that this kid’s going to have the typical opportunities or drive that would “end up” with him gravitating towards and accessing gay porn.  A study-aid like this high speed computer system will provide ample road (or, rather, cock) blocks, which should absorb any time that could be otherwise used to frequent any number of homo-erotic forums.  [Heads up to whoever purchases this kid’s last computer: you might want to make sure to clear the browsing history and scrub the hard drive.]

Even if this ad turns out to be a complete sham, it would still be a hilarious joke.  If it’s really just a sham that the kid’s pulling on the parents, then that’s the hilarious joke.  Either way – hilarious joke.  And we’d like to salute the crafty teen for finding the wherewithal to “reach around” one obstacle, “turn it around” on his parents, and come up hard on the back end of this deal.  That’s what you get for being a close-minded dick pops–you get to pay monetarily, if you can’t invest in your child emotionally.  That’s just using one person’s ignorance against them.  If you think about it, we don’t even know exactly what these “homosexual acts” entail.  For all we know, it might be as simple as him painting his nails or dancing to Carly Rae Jepsen in his room.  There’s no telling what level someone’s oppressive paranoia will take them too.  If that’s the case and the kid isn’t even actually gay, but is reaping the benefits for agreeing to change parts of himself that aren’t even there, that would be even crazier.  But I do have to say that I like the story more if he is, because it just feels a little more like some level of justice is being reaped somewhere, as backwards and fucked up as it may be.

The original Craigslist post (url: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/ele/3071739987.html) was flagged for removal, by somebody who, apparently, felt compelled to take a stand against such injustices and ignorance being expressed by someone selling electronics in a public internet marketplace.  From my perspective, that’s a misstep, because, if this situation isn’t a hoax and the scenario is real, than all that you’re doing is preventing this kid from getting a new computer.  Fortunately for us, however, someone made sure to get a screen grab of it (posted below) before it was completely erased off of the face of the interwebs.  We tracked the screengrab image as far back as the Facebook account of a guy named Jimmy Chen.  We don’t know if Chen was the original person who found the ad and hit the PrntScr button; most likely he simply found it somewhere else and reposted it, but we at least try and credit the source as often as possible.  Please keep in mind that Jimmy isn’t directly connected to the post or any of the content within it; he’s just another person that recognized it’s appalling absurdity and helped to document another Craigslist fiasco–not to mention, another strike against us as a species.  So please, DO NOT BOTHER Jimmy Chen by emailing him and ranting about shit that he has nothing to do with.  For once, somebody on the internet read everything before you react and look like a dipshit.  If you feel the need to yell at someone about how “evil” homosexuality is and how it needs to be “fixed,” then go ahead and scream-type your head off in our comment section below.  [Disclaimer: Anyone posting anti-gay sentiments on this site acknowledges that it may result with us spamming them with excessive homo-erotic pornography.]

Considering that we’ve recently posted two separate previews for art exhibits in the Culver City area, along with my own recent Craigslist rideshare ad, I felt like the heavens were demanding that we publicly acknowledge this Macbook ad on Monster Fresh this week, as well.

So, without any more delay, here it is in all it’s shameful glory…

[click image to enlarge]

UPDATE!

I guess, this whole thing really is just a hoax like we suspected that it might be.  It’s a shame, because I really wanted to dump $1,300 on a used laptop.  The story, as it’s being told, is that some kid is just interested in posting these things to see how people react, because he’s conducted some sort of personal social experiment.  A writer at the Huffington Post’s “Gay Voices” section  is now reading him the riot act over it.  Hey kid!  If you’re reading this, I think that’s a pretty big reaction in itself.  You’ve discovered how strongly people feel about gay kids getting no support from their parents and now you’ve discovered how offended people get when you try and do social experiments.  Nice work!

Here’s a link to the Huffington Post’s article documenting their crackerjack job of investigative journalism: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-mcgonnigal/anti-gay-craigslist-ad-a-hoax_b_1597454.html

Dead C

Located in Seattle, Dead C is the founder/editor, as well as the principal writer and photographer, of Monster Fresh. Creating the site in 2007, he did so with a specific dream in mind. Unfortunately, being a muscle relaxer-fueled fever dream, it’s hard to recall all of the details.

I remember that my mom was there, but it wasn’t actually her in the dream, it was actually 70s heart throb, Jan Michael Vincent. And everything took place here, in this room… but it wasn’t actually here… it was different. The colors were washed out and, for some reason, there was a raccoon kicking it with us and it was wearing a holographic monocle.

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