PSA: KFC’s New DOUBLE-DOWN Chicken Sandwich! IT’S COMING!!!

The monstrosity pictured above is the latest slab of liberty being offered from the Pepsico spinoff, Yum! Brands Inc.  The terrorists can’t frighten us anymore folks! (not after this)  Until now, KFC‘s Double Down sandwich has strictly been available in the test markets of Omaha and Rhode Island, but now it’s crawling it’s way to your neighborhood… and fast.  Since no deaths have been traced directly back to the consumption of this product, it looks like those of us residing elsewhere in the good ol’ U.S. of A. will be having our sweet, sweet freedoms extended as well.  By “freedom” we mean the freedom to gamble on our coronary healths with a whole new shape of grease.  And what’s the point of “gambling” if you’re afraid to DOUBLE DOWN motherfucker?! 

The Double Down is 2 pieces of chicken sandwiching cheese, bacon, and something that goes by the name of “colonel sauce“.   That little number in the corner of the picture above is KFC.com‘s version of a doomsday clock, so you have just about a day and a half left before you can sink your face into one of these beasts.  Only time will tell if the drive-thru or the bathroom line’s will be longer.  [My money’s on the latter… In fact, I’d “double down” on it.]  If the creation of this new innovative product surprises you, then you must have completely missed KFC‘s introduction of the famous bowls.  Somehow they may have actually trumped that one, which is a pretty remarkable feat in it’s own right.  For now, this is the closest thing that we’re gonna see to them simply searing the beaks off of a pair of chickens, twist-tying their wings together around a block of lard, and dipping the whole thing in a fryer, but we can dream.

Some Pros & Cons:
Although I’m fairly positive that this isn’t what Robert C. Atkins had in mind when he invented his famous diet (especially, since it promoted low consumption of saturated fats as well as carbs) it doesn’t really matter.  Atkins also proved that, even after dieting excessively for years, you can still just die by slipping on ice and cracking your head on your way to work anyway.

More than just a “food” product, this grimy meat-brick version of a back alley coat-hanger may actually take the place as a tastier alternative to eating poinsettias and/or black cohosh.  Depending on whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, the following could be categorized as a positive or negative. (Please consult your doctor before consuming anything from this franchise… ever).

In all honestly, I feel that the real issues here have absolutely nothing to do with health and that more of a focus should be placed on investigating Yum! Brands for child labor usage.  Who else could possibly invent this type of shit, if not a group of pre-teens wrecked out on a 1/2 oz of the chronic?

The following video from MSNBC‘s Zeitgeist, fully explains the new product in detail.  Sure, there’s an actual commercial advertisement for the Double Down, but we feel that this video expresses the overall concept a lot better.  Plus, unlike this following clip, KFC‘s ad never utilizes the term “greasy ass” as a descriptor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO-g4sW2xnQ

For good measure, here’s an old clip of Patton Oswalt addressing the introduction of the KFC Famous Bowls.



We’d like to thank @MrsKimyaDawson for bringing the Double Down to our attention via TWEET.

UPDATE:

Good news!  You don’t have to wait for it, somebody already went big and made the Quadruple-Down

Dead C

Located in Seattle, Dead C is the founder/editor, as well as the principal writer and photographer, of Monster Fresh. Creating the site in 2007, he did so with a specific dream in mind. Unfortunately, being a muscle relaxer-fueled fever dream, it’s hard to recall all of the details.

I remember that my mom was there, but it wasn’t actually her in the dream, it was actually 70s heart throb, Jan Michael Vincent. And everything took place here, in this room… but it wasn’t actually here… it was different. The colors were washed out and, for some reason, there was a raccoon kicking it with us and it was wearing a holographic monocle.

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  • a.misallati

    As soon as I saw the commercial I called KB..