Win an Authentic It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia DICKTOWEL!


If you’re a die hard fan of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, then you probably already know about the Dick Towel by now.  If you read our November 6th post about the novelty drying devices, then you also know that the Sunny crew actually manufactured the product and constructed an official site to sell and distribute them.  In that post we mentioned that the towel would have made a wonderful Christmas or Hannukah present, but followed it up by asking, “As far as Kwanza?…..TERRIBLE!  Where is all of the dark meat?!

Well, it looks like the folks at Dick Towel are all ears when it comes to concerns as dire as those regarding racial sensitivity in the mock phallus industry.  Beyond just adding hats and T-Shirts to their line of Dick Towel related merchandise, we’d like to present you with their latest addition……


Finally!  This should please a lot of people, except for this guy of course [poor bastard].

The really good news is, in celebration of their latest wang cloth, the people at have offered to provide us with a couple of FREE Dick Towels to give away.  This means that we will be picking 2 winners (one for each color).

HOW To Enter:

Step 1:

You don’t need to have a member, but you do need to be one…. of our Facebook fan page.  Just click “Become A Fan” on our Monster Fresh Facebook page by linking through HERE.

Step 2:

We wanted to keep this contest simple so that anyone could enter, so here’s the deal…. you just need to come up with a new term for the dong.  I know, I know… there are so many already, but that’s how this becomes a true “challenge”.  We’re not looking for terms that already exist like schlong, prick, wang, cock, penis, dick, one-eyed willie, skin flute, etc… We want something new.  Something original that we’ve never heard before.  Something that could actually catch on.  Feel free to use it in a sentence/context, as in a masturbatory term, etc. if you think it will add power to your entry.  Whatever’s cool with us.

Step 3:

Post your entry in the comment section of the Facebook discussion topic provided specifically for this contest and remember to tell us which color you are shooting for.
[Link to entry form HERE]

Entrants will be judged on creativity and, somewhat arbitrarily, based on the one that we just like the most.

That’s it, jerks.  It’s pretty simple and you can enter as many times as you’d like.  Contest will start today, January 15th, and run for one-week, ending on Friday, January 22nd at midnight.

This is a Dick Towel contest folks, so remember to show some SPUNK!

Dead C

Located in Seattle, Dead C is the founder/editor, as well as the principal writer and photographer, of Monster Fresh. Creating the site in 2007, he did so with a specific dream in mind. Unfortunately, being a muscle relaxer-fueled fever dream, it's hard to recall all of the details. "I remember that my mom was there, but it wasn't actually her in the dream, it was actually 70s heart throb, Jan Michael Vincent. And everything took place here, in this room... but it wasn't actually here... it was different. The colors were washed out and, for some reason, there was a raccoon kicking it with us and it was wearing a holographic monocle."

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